n: TWO OF A KIND.]

AN APPEAL.

I wish you would buy me a wheel, daddy dear,
Oh, really and truly I do.
It's worth quite a million of dollars to me,
And costs but twelve dollars for you.

And nothing I know of in all of this world,
No matter how hard I may think,
So easily keeps me from mischief at home,
Like cutting up pranks with your ink.

So buy me a bicycle, papa, I pray,
A wheel that will spin like a breeze,
And keep me from getting in trouble in-doors;
I am truly so anxious to please.

Patrick had a nice little trade in ice in the small town of B----, and
everything progressed smoothly, until one day a rival set up business,
and by degrees took Pat's customers away. Patrick was very mad and swore
vengeance, but was at a loss how to accomplish the matter. At last he
hit upon a plan, and immediately proceeded to put it into execution.

He visited each of the customers he had lost, and solemnly assured them
that his rival only sold warm ice.

A theatrical manager had considerable trouble with his star actor, who
was constantly meeting with accidents or falling sick. One day, as the
story goes, the star was hurt in a boiler explosion. When the manager
heard of it he remarked to his agent, "I am sick of this sort of thing.
Advertise him, as usual, and add that we intend bringing out a new
piece, in which the great star Mr. D---- will appear in _several_
parts."

BOBBY. "I wish the Lord had made the world in two days."

JACK. "Why?"

BOBBY. "Then we'd have had three Sundays a week."

AT THE CAT SHOW.

MRS. S. "What is the name of your cat?"

MRS. W. "Claude."

MRS. S. "Why do you call it Claude?"

MRS. W. "Because it scratched me."

An old darky lived in the South who was a great barterer, and it was
very hard to beat him on a trade. It seems he had sold a mule,
guaranteeing him faultless. The purchaser shortly after came back in a
great rage, and said,

"Look here, you rascal, that mule you sold me is blind in one eye; you
assured me he had no faults."

"Dat's right, sah; dat mule habe no faults. If he am blind in one eye,
dat am his misfortune, not his fault."

"I think I ought to stay home from school to-day," said Bobbie.

"Why so, Bobbie?" asked his father. "You aren't ill, are you?"

"No, poppy; but I dreamed I was in school answering questions all last
night, and I think I've had enough for one day,"