the overflown sense of duty which had brought me
back here. Now, when it was too late, I was bitterly regretting ... Kyla
had offered me life. Surely I would never see Kyla again.

Could I regret what I would never remember? I walked into Forth's office
as if I were going to my doom. I _was_ ...

Forth greeted me warmly.

"Sit down and tell me all about it ..." he insisted. I would rather not
speak. Instead, compulsively, I made it a full report ... and curious
flickers came in and out of my consciousness as I spoke. By the time I
realized I was reacting to a post-hypnotic suggestion, that in fact I
was going under hypnosis again, it was too late and I could only think
that this was worse than death because in a way I would be alive ...

* * * * *

Jay Allison sat up and meticulously straightened his cuff before
tightening his mouth in what was meant for a smile. "I assume, then,
that the experiment was a success?"

"A complete success." Forth's voice was somewhat harsh and annoyed, but
Jay was untroubled; he had known for years that most of his subordinates
and superiors disliked him, and had long ago stopped worrying about it.

"The trailmen agreed?"

"They agreed," Forth said, surprised. "You don't remember anything at
all?"

"Scraps. Like a nightmare." Jay Allison looked down at the back of his
hand, flexing the fingers cautiously against pain, touching the
partially healed red slash. Forth followed the direction of his eyes and
said, not unsympathetically, "Don't worry about your hand. I looked at
it pretty carefully. You'll have the total use of it."

Jay said rigidly, "It seems to have been a pretty severe risk to take.
Did you ever stop to think what it would have meant to me, to lose the
use of my hand?"

"It seemed a justifiable risk, even if you had," Forth said dryly. "Jay,
I've got the whole story on tape, just as you told it to me. You might
not like having a blank spot in your memory. Want to hear what your
alter ego did?"

Jay hesitated. Then he unfolded his long legs and stood up. "No, I don't
think I care to know." He waited, arrested by a twinge of a sore muscle,
and frowned.

What had happened, what would he never know, why did the random ache
bring a pain deeper than the pain of a torn nerve? Forth was watching
him, and Jay asked irritably, "What is it?"

"You're one hell of a cold fish, Jay."

"I don't understand you, sir."

"You wouldn't," Forth