nd then
the agony of shame and despair that followed! I had forfeited his good
opinion forever. He would never love me again! If I could die--oh,
impious prayer that I prayed--if I could only die! But I would never
see his face again. I would go where they could never find me, where I
would never grieve them more.

"Fern, it was a strange feature that marked those passionate fits of
mine; but I never yielded to them afterward without the same desire
seizing me to go away and see them no more; and but for the watchful
care that surrounded me at those times I should often have escaped.

"It came upon me now, this horror of restraint, and overmastered me.
To my fancy I seemed to feel the walls falling in upon me in judgment
for my sin. I was suffocated, and yet restless. Oh, to be away, I
thought, to be away from those reproachful faces; and I rushed
downstairs, through the house and down the yew-tree walk; but the
garden-door into the lane was locked, and at that slight obstacle I
shivered and lay down on the grass and crushed my face against the
ground, and felt like some youthful Cain, branded with unextinguishable
shame.

"I had lost Raby's love. I had forfeited his respect. There lay the
unbearable sting. Never should I forget that pale, stern face and the
unspoken reproach in those dark eyes.

"'Oh, I can not bear it,' I cried; 'I can not, can not, bear it.'

"'My child,' said Raby's grave voice close to me, 'if you are sorry,
and your grief tells me you are, you must ask pardon of our Father in
heaven."

"'Then--may a merciful God forgive me for my blasphemy--I cried, 'not
His, but yours, Raby. I can not live without your love;' and then I
was almost choked with my sobs.

"'Crystal,' he said, with a heavy sigh, 'can this be my child whom I
have taught and guided, my child for whom I have prayed every night;'
and, touched by the gentleness of his tone, I crept a little nearer
and clasped his feet.

"'I can never be forgiven,' I sobbed. 'What has heaven to do with such
a sinner as I?'

"'Ah, little one,' he answered, 'have not I forgiven thee, and I was
stretched on no cross for thy sake;' and then, kneeling down by my
side, he raised my wet face from the grass and laid it gently on his
arm and kissed it, and then I knew I was forgiven.

"Never, never shall I forget how he talked to me--and yet he was
ill--as a brother and a priest, too! How he helped me to bear the
terror of the sin and the shame of my