EAL "SPIRITUAL" (OR SHALL WE SAY SPIRITUOUS?) NEEDS OF
LONDON.--Strict Supervision of Gin Palaces, and a rigid enforcement of
the Adulteration Acts. (_Licensing Authorities, Excise Officers, and
Policemen, please take Notice!_)

* * * * *

A TIP IN TIME.

Country Vestrydom's called, by its new-fangled rival,
(The smart "Parish Council") "decrepit survival."
P. C., be not hard on the old form thou twittest!
Thou yet hast to prove _thy_ "Survival" the "fittest."

* * * * *

AT THE CONFECTIONER'S.

(_A Sketch on Saturday Afternoon._)

SCENE.--_A Confectioner's Shop in a fashionable West-End thoroughfare.
Close to the window is a counter, with the usual urns and
appurtenances, laden with an assortment of richly decorated pastry,
and presided over by an alert and short-tempered_ Manageress. _The
little tables are close together, and crowded with_ Customers, _the
majority of whom are ladies. A couple of over-worked_ Waitresses _are
endeavouring, with but indifferent success, to satisfy everybody at
once._

_Cries from Customers._ Yes, two teas and _one_ roll and butter--no, I
mean, one roll and butter and _two_ teas! "_Have I ordered?_" Why, the
last time you said it was coming directly! Isn't that chocolate ready
_yet?_ We shall _never_ catch our train! I say, Waitress, I ordered
coffee and cakes a quarter of an hour ago, and all we've got yet is
two empty cups and a bowl of sugar! _Do_ make haste with that tea!
I didn't say a _cup_ of tea--I said a _pot_ of tea, as plain as----!
(&c., &c.)

_Duet of Waitresses._ Yes, Sir, attend to you in one moment. Are
_you_ the cup of tea, Madam? Oh, I'll bring you a fork for your pastry
directly. There'll be some milk coming in a minute, Sir. Bread and
butter? No, Sir, you can have a _roll_ and butter, or cakes, if you
prefer them. Excuse me, Madam, when I've done attending to _this_
lady. No, Sir; it was the other young lady who took your order--not
me. _Would_ you mind letting me have the milk-jug, if you've finished
with it, Madam? We're rather short of them. I'll _see_ if I can get
you a teaspoon, Sir. (&c., &c.)

_The Manageress_ (_all in one breath, without any stops_). Now then
Miss SIMPSON don't you see these cups standing here ready to be taken
and there's that Gentleman in the corner waiting to be attended to and
tell Mrs. BINKS we shall want more milk and there put out those
fancy cakes do tw