lves. They had not tasted the poison
and did not yet suspect its existence. So I gradually desisted. Now I
say nothing, never a word. I listen and understand how history is
made. It is best never to explain or argue if you thoroughly
understand. Rhetoric is only the amplification of something long
understood in one's heart of hearts.

I am, therefore, tired of it all, inexpressibly tired. I wish to
escape from my hospital, to go away to some clean land where they
understand so little of such things that their indifference will in
the end, perhaps, convince me and make me forget.

Yet can one ever forget?

XVI

THE END

November, 1900.

* * * * *

Another month, and I have made up my mind quite suddenly. I have
finished with it--at least, in outward form. After waiting a couple of
weeks and wondering what I should do, a last argument brought it
about--an argument with a German which ended by enraging me to an
impossible point and making me challenge him to anything he liked.
That showed me that my last safe moment had arrived.

He was a youngish officer sent from the Field-Marshal's staff to
discuss some diplomatic-military details with my chief. The business
part was soon over, for there was really little to decide, and then
the man fell to talking about what should be done. He said that were
there not so much rivalry and jealousy, and could Waldersee only act
as he wished, they would have proper punitive expeditions which would
shoot all the headmen of every village for hundreds of miles, and make
such an example of everybody that the memory would endure for
generations in every district where there had been Boxers. The officer
was eloquent because he had only just arrived, and understood
nothing--absolutely nothing. For some reason our stars crossed and I
hated him immediately. So I waited until he had finished so that I
could begin. Then I began.

I cannot even remember all I said, for I was greatly enraged by the
brutality of the man's ideas, but I treated him as he had never been
treated before. As I poured out my lava stream and he slowly
understood what I meant, he first became very red, and then very pale,
and finally he stood up. I took advantage of that action, and since we
all still are armed, I told him he could have satisfaction, at once if
he wished, and at any number of paces he chose to name.

My chief then suddenly intervened, and, trembling violently