ur belief. But this change is not voluntary on
your part. It depends upon the force of evidence upon your individual
mind, and the evidence remaining the same and your mental faculties
remaining unimpaired--you cannot believe otherwise any more than you can
fly.

Belief, then, is not voluntary. How, then, can it be meritorious? When
a jury try a case, all hear the same evidence, but nine say "Guilty" and
three "Not guilty," according to the honest belief of each. Are either
of these more worthy of reward on that account than the others?
Certainly you will say No! But suppose beforehand they all know or
suspect that those who say "Not guilty" will be punished and the rest
rewarded: what is likely to be the result? Why, perhaps six will say
"Guilty" honestly believing it, and glad they can with a clear
conscience escape punishment; three will say "Not guilty" boldly, and
rather bear the punishment than be false or dishonest; the other three,
fearful of being convinced against their will, will carefully stop their
ears while the witnesses for the defence are being examined, and delude
themselves with the idea they give an honest verdict because they have
heard only one side of the evidence. If any out of the dozen deserve
punishment, you will surely agree with me it is these. Belief or
disbelief is therefore not meritorious, and when founded on an unfair
balance of evidence is blameable.

Now to apply the principles to my own case. In my early youth I heard,
as ninety-nine-hundredths of the world do, only the evidence on one
side, and became impressed with a veneration for religion which has left
some traces even to this day. I have since heard and read much on both
sides, and pondered much upon the matter in all its bearings. I spent,
as you know, a year and a half in a clergyman's family and heard almost
every Tuesday the very best, most earnest and most impressive preacher
it has ever been my fortune to meet with, but it produced no effect
whatever on my mind. I have since wandered among men of many races and
many religions. I have studied man, and nature in all its aspects, and I
have sought after truth. In my solitude I have pondered much on the
incomprehensible subjects of space, eternity, life and death. I think I
have fairly heard and fairly weighed the evidence on both sides, and I
remain an _utter disbeliever_ in almost all that you consider the most
sacred truths. I will pass over as utterly contemptible the of