is a quiet, easy-going fellow. Sometimes I almost know him quite
well. And who knows but some day I may meet him? If that aged
sailorman could remember Billy Harper, I see no reason why I should
not some day meet the husband of my sister who lives in Salt Lake
City.

On the other hand, I have a feeling of certitude within me that I
shall never meet in the flesh my many parents and grandparents--you
see, I invariably killed them off. Heart disease was my favorite way
of getting rid of my mother, though on occasion I did away with her by
means of consumption, pneumonia, and typhoid fever. It is true, as the
Winnipeg policemen will attest, that I have grandparents living in
England; but that was a long time ago and it is a fair assumption that
they are dead by now. At any rate, they have never written to me.

I hope that woman in Reno will read these lines and forgive me my
gracelessness and unveracity. I do not apologize, for I am unashamed.
It was youth, delight in life, zest for experience, that brought me to
her door. It did me good. It taught me the intrinsic kindliness of
human nature. I hope it did her good. Anyway, she may get a good laugh
out of it now that she learns the real inwardness of the situation.

To her my story was "true." She believed in me and all my family, and
she was filled with solicitude for the dangerous journey I must make
ere I won to Salt Lake City. This solicitude nearly brought me to
grief. Just as I was leaving, my arms full of lunch and my pockets
bulging with fat woollen socks, she bethought herself of a nephew, or
uncle, or relative of some sort, who was in the railway mail service,
and who, moreover, would come through that night on the very train on
which I was going to steal my ride. The very thing! She would take me
down to the depot, tell him my story, and get him to hide me in the
mail car. Thus, without danger or hardship, I would be carried
straight through to Ogden. Salt Lake City was only a few miles farther
on. My heart sank. She grew excited as she developed the plan and with
my sinking heart I had to feign unbounded gladness and enthusiasm at
this solution of my difficulties.

Solution! Why I was bound west that night, and here was I being
trapped into going east. It _was_ a trap, and I hadn't the heart to
tell her that it was all a miserable lie. And while I made believe
that I was delighted, I was busy cudgelling my brains for some way to
escape. But there was no way.