circumstances you will, I think, be surprised at a
letter written in my handwriting; but facts have arisen which make it
expedient that I should address you.

"You are about, I am informed, to proceed to the United States, a
country against which I acknowledge I entertain a serious antipathy.
They are not a gentlemanlike people, and I am given to understand that
they are generally dishonest in all their dealings. Their President is a
low person, and all their ideas of government are pettifogging. Their
ladies, I am told, are very vulgar, though I have never had the pleasure
of knowing one of them. They are an irreligious nation, and have no
respect for the Established Church of England and her bishops. I should
be very sorry that my heir should go among them.

"With reference to my stopping the income which I have hitherto allowed
you, it was a step I took upon the best advice, nor can I allow it to be
thought that there is any legal claim upon me for a continuance of the
payment. But I am willing for the present to continue it, on the full
understanding that you at once give up your American project.

"But there is a subject on which it is essentially necessary that I
should receive from you, as my heir, a full and complete explanation.
Under what circumstances did you beat Captain Scarborough in the streets
late on the night of the 3d of June last? And how did it come to pass
that you left him bleeding, speechless, and motionless on that occasion?

"As I am about to continue the payment of the sum hitherto allowed, I
think it only fitting that I should receive this explanation under your
own hand.--I am your affectionate uncle,

"PETER PROSPER.

"P.S.--A rumor may probably have reached you of a projected alliance
between me and a young lady belonging to a family with which your sister
is about to connect herself. It is right that I should tell you that
there is no truth in this report."

This letter, which was much easier to write than the one intended for
Miss Thoroughbung, was unfortunately sent off a little before the
completion of the other. A day's interval had been intended. But the
missive to Miss Thoroughbung was, under the press of difficulties,
delayed longer than was intended.

There was, we grieve to say, much of joy but more of laughter at the
rectory when this letter was received. As usual, Joe Thoroughbung was
there, and it was found impossible to keep the letter from him. The
postscript burst