on--quite innocent-like. And then he says, handin'
me his sword and belt, 'Same inches round the waist, I reckon,' and I
puts that on too. 'You may as well keep 'em on till I come back,' says
he, 'for it's mighty damp and malarious at this time around the swamp.'
And with that he lights out. Well, gentlemen, I hadn't sat there five
minutes before Bang! bang! rattle! rattle! kershiz! and I hears a yell.
I steps out of the wagon; everything's quite dark, but the rattle goes
on. Then along trots an orderly, leadin' a horse. 'Mount, general,' he
says, 'we're attacked--the rear-guard's on us!'"

He paused, looked round his audience, and then in a lower voice, said
darkly,--

"I ain't a fool, an' in that minute a man's brain works at high
pressure, and I saw it all! I saw the little game of the brigadier to
skunk away in my clothes and leave me to be captured in his. But I ain't
a dog neither, and I mounted that horse, gentlemen, and lit out to where
the men were formin'! I didn't dare to speak, lest they should know me,
but I waved my sword, and by G-d! they followed me! And the next minit
we was in the thick of it. I had my hat as full of holes as that ice
strainer; I had a dozen bullets through my coat, the fringe of my
epaulettes was shot away, but I kept the boys at their work--and we
stopped 'em! Stopped 'em, gentlemen, until we heard the bugles of the
rest of our division, that all this time had been rolling that blasted
rear-guard over on us! And it saved the fight; but the next minute the
Johnny Rebs made a last dash and cut me off--and there I was--by G-d, a
prisoner! Me that had saved the fight!"

A ripple of ironical applause went round as Hooker gloomily drained his
glass, and then held up his hand in scornful deprecation.

"I said I was a prisoner, gentlemen," he went on bitterly; "but that
ain't all! I asked to see Johnston, told him what I had done, and
demanded to be exchanged for a general officer. He said, 'You be
d----d.' I then sent word to the division commander-in-chief, and told
him how I had saved Gray Oaks when his brigadier ran away, and he said,
'You be d----d.' I've bin 'You be d----d' from the lowest non-com.
to the commander-in-chief, and when I was at last exchanged, I was
exchanged, gentlemen, for two mules and a broken wagon. But I'm here,
gentlemen--as I was thar!"

"Why don't you see the President about it?" asked a bystander, in
affected commiseration.

Mr. Hooker stared contemptuo