* * * * *

PROBLEM.--At the stranding-of-the-_Howe_ trial there appeared a
Witness, whose official position, it appears, is "Hydrographer of the
Navy." What is a hydrographer? clearly, by derivation, "a drawer of
water." But a ship also "draws water." Therefore, logically, a
Hydrographer is a ship. But a ship is never put into a witness-box,
where it would be quite at sea, but in the dock, where it could be quite
at home. "Truly," writes our Puzzled Correspondent, "there is a muddle
somewhere." _Q. E. D._

* * * * *

A CHEERFUL INVESTMENT.--A Laughing-Stock.

* * * * *

SAFE PREDICTIONS FOR THE YEAR.

Someone will write about the extraordinary characteristic of the Season,
whether it be warm or cold.

There will be a Political Crisis in Paris on the average of once in
every six weeks.

The German Emperor will continue his tours, to the great inconvenience
of the Crowned Heads he favours with a visit.

Mr. GLADSTONE will lecture, write articles to the Magazines, fell trees,
and govern the country, as per usual.

Someone will get a trifle tired of Home Rule, the Channel Tunnel, and
General BOOTH.

A few persons will leave Europe for America, to see the Chicago
Exhibition.

A crowd (more or less) will attend the Oxford and Cambridge Boat-race,
the Derby, and the Private View at the Royal Academy.

Mrs. SMITH (after having been presented by My Lady BROWN) will present
Miss SMITH, Miss ELFRIDA SMITH, and Miss VICTORIA ALEXANDRA SMITH, at
Her MAJESTY'S Drawing-Room.

Mr. and Mrs. PORTLAND SNOOKS will give a dinner-party, which will be
reported in the Society papers.

The First Nights at the Lyceum will be amongst the features of the
Season.

There will be several failures at the Theatres, and also a success
or two.

There will be half a dozen full-dress debates in the House of Commons,
and as many important divisions.

The "Popular Budget" is sure, with some people, to be exceedingly
unpopular.

The London County Council and the School Board will be censured by
the Press.

There will be any number of railway "accidents," and avoidable "deaths
by misadventure."

It will be discovered that the British Army is a myth, and that the
British Navy is a snare and a delusion.

Parliament will be up in time for the partridges, even if a little late
for the grouse.

Everyone will praise the United Kingdom as