ho if at the age of twenty had seemed to my enthusiastic youth
little short of a poet's dream, must be far short of any such
perfection now? I rebelled at the very thought. Yet to deny her meant
the possible facing of consequences such as the strongest may well
shrink from. And the time for choice was short. She had limited her
patience to a fortnight, and one day of that fortnight had already
passed.

"I have in my arrogant manhood sometimes credited myself with the
possession of a mind of more or less superiority; but I have never
deceived myself as to the meretricious quality of the goodness with
which many have thoughtlessly endowed me. I have always known it was
not even up to that of men whose standards fall far short of the
highest integrity. But never, till that hour came, had I realized
to what depths of evil my nature could sink under a disappointment
threatening the fulfillment of my ambitious projects. Had there been
any prospect of escape from the impending scandal by means usually
employed by men in my position, I might have given my thoughts less
rein and been saved at least from crime. But these were not available
in my case. She was not a woman who could be bought. She was not even
one I could cajole. Death only would rid me of her; kindly death which
does not come at call. This is as far as my thoughts went at first. I
was a gentleman and had some of a gentleman's feelings. But when my
sleep began to be disturbed by dreams, and this was very soon, I could
not hide from myself toward what fatal goal my thoughts were tending.
To be freed from her! To be freed from her! dinned itself in my ears,
sleeping or waking, at home or abroad. But I saw no plain road to this
freedom, for our paths never crossed and my honor as well as safety
demanded that the coveted result should be without any possible danger
to myself. Cold, heartless villain! you say. Well, so I was; no colder
nor more heartless villain lives to-day than I was between the
inception of my purpose and its diabolical fulfillment in the manner
publicly known.

"So true is this that, as time went on, my ideas cleared and the plan
for which I was seeking unfolded itself before me from the day I came
upon a discarded bow lying open to view in the museum cellar. The
dreams of which I have spoken had prepared me for this sudden
knowledge. The woman who blocked my way and against wh