u, may not be greater than that of . . . (sic) my judgment
has on this occasion been, as I perceive, more corresponding with
your sentiments, which I have spoke from the dictates of that pride
which I can adopt on your account, but would be presumptuous on my
own. I hope, in avoiding one inconvenience, that I have not fallen
into another, but if I have, the mistake can be easier corrected if
necessary.

When Charles has expressed to me, as he did more than once, an
anxiety about your conduct, and an uneasiness lest it should be in
opposition to his own, I contented myself with saying, that it was
impossible for me to know what you would do, but I was in no pain
about it; that if he could, as I had heard him say that he could in
very strong terms, answer for your ready judgment on all occasions,
so I would answer for your honour, which two things made me sure
that you would always act as became you, and that, therefore, I was
in no pain upon that head; that whatever might happen disagreeable
to you, or to me, we were both prepared for it. And when I have
expressed a curiosity concerning the disposal of offices in general,
I have been sometimes taken up shortly, impertinently, and dirtily
by that jackanapes, Lord D., and he has said, "Your friend will not
stay in Ireland."

I have then only answered, "My Lord, my wishes are that he may not,
and it is most probable that he will not desire it; but you are
quite mistaken if you suppose that in these arrangements I have any
anxiety or curiosity about him." All that is an object of my love
and esteem is quite independent of other people's resolutions; and
as for what regards myself, I am not indifferent, I own, and I shall
wish to know how I may be treated by those to whose power I am
delivered up, but I have never asked one question concerning it. I
shall provoke no man's anger unnecessarily; it is my only solicitude
to let people see that if they oblige me by good treatment, they
oblige one whom they do not despise, and who has acted 'in all
circumstances like a gentleman.

I have, I find, from what I have been told by the Party, the credit
of having behaved better and calmer on this occasion than many of my
fellow convicts. What I have felt I have felt like a man, and that I
have not attempted to deprecate by pretending that I thought myself
to blame. But, my dear Lord, this has been merely exterior, for at
home and alone I have been greatly depressed, both on your acco