en may be thus heartlessly
sacrificed to Mammon, why should I feel remorse if, in the fulfilment
of a sacred duty imposed on me by Him who deals with us as He thinks
meet, a few mortals perish? Not a sparrow falls to the ground without
His knowledge, and it is for Him to sacrifice or save. I am but the
creature of His will, and I but follow my duty,--but obey the commands
of One whose ways are inscrutable. Still, if for my sake this ship
be also doomed, I cannot but wish that I had been appointed to some
other, in which the waste of human life might have been less.
It was not until a week after Philip arrived on board that the
_Batavia_ and the remainder of the fleet were ready for sea.
It would be difficult to analyse the feelings of Philip Vanderdecken
on this his second embarkation. His mind was so continually directed
to the object of his voyage, that although he attended to his
religious duty, yet the business of life passed before him as a dream.
Assured of again meeting with the Phantom Ship, and almost equally
assured that the meeting would be followed by some untoward event, in
all probability by the sacrifice of those who sailed with him, his
thoughts preyed upon him, and wore him down to a shadow. He hardly
ever spoke, except in the execution of his duty. He felt like a
criminal; as one who, by embarking with them, had doomed all around
him to death, disaster, and peril; and when _one_ talked of his
wife, and _another_ of his children--when they would indulge in
anticipations, and canvass happy projects, Philip would feel sick at
heart, and would rise from the table and hasten to the solitude of the
deck. At one time he would try to persuade himself that his senses had
been worked upon in some moment of excitement, that he was the victim
of an illusion; at another he would call to mind all the past--he
would feel its terrible reality--and then the thought would suggest
itself that with this supernatural vision Heaven had nothing to do;
that it was but the work and jugglery of Satan. But then the relic--by
such means the devil would not have worked. A few days after he had
sailed, he bitterly repented that he had not stated the whole of
his circumstances to Father Seysen, and taken his advice upon the
propriety of following up his search; but it was now too late; already
was the good ship _Batavia_ more than a thousand miles from the port
of Amsterdam, and his duty, whatever it might be, _must_ be fulfilled
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