I mixed, there was a heart
which had years ago given itself wholly up to me. At that time I was
ignorant of the gift I so little deserved, or (for it was before I knew
Gertrude) I might have returned it, and been saved years of crime and
anguish. Since then, the person I allude to had married, and, by the
death of her husband, was once more free. Intimate with my family,
and more especially with my sister, she now met me constantly; her
compassion for the change she perceived in me, both in mind and person,
was stronger than even her reserve, and this is the only reason why I
speak of an attachment which ought otherwise to be concealed: I believe
that you already understand to whom I allude, and since you have
discovered her weakness, it is right that you should know also her
virtue; it is right that you should learn that it was not in her the
fantasy or passion of a moment, but a long and secreted love; that
you should learn that it was her pity, and no unfeminine disregard to
opinion, which betrayed her into imprudence; and that she is, at this
moment, innocent of everything but the folly of loving me.

"I pass on to the time when I discovered that I had been either
intentionally or unconsciously deceived, and that my enemy yet lived!
lived in honour, prosperity, and the world's blessings. The information
was like removing a barrier from a stream hitherto pent into quiet and
restraint. All the stormy thoughts, feelings, and passions so long
at rest rushed again into a terrible and tumultuous action. The
newly-formed stratum of my mind was swept away; everything seemed a
wreck, a chaos, a convulsion of jarring elements; but this is a trite
and tame description of my feelings; words would be but commonplace to
express the revulsion which I experienced: yet, amidst all, there was
one paramount and presiding thought, to which the rest were as atoms
in the heap,--the awakened thought of vengeance!-but how was it to be
gratified?

"Placed as Tyrrell now was in the scale of society, every method of
retribution but the one formerly rejected seemed at an end. To that one,
therefore, weak and merciful as it appeared to me, I resorted; you took
my challenge to Tyrrell; you remember his behaviour: Conscience doth
indeed make cowards of us all! The letter enclosed to me in his to you
contained only the commonplace argument urged so often by those who have
injured us; namely, the reluctance at attempting our life after having
rui