cked sailor; the pawnbroker had taken his last resources.
All the romance with which he had invested the idea of his suicide
now vanished, leaving bare the stern and ignoble reality. He must
kill himself, not like the gay gamester who voluntarily leaves upon
the roulette table the remains of his fortune, but like the Greek,
who surprised and hunted, knows that every door will be shut upon
him. His death would not be voluntary; he could neither hesitate
nor choose the fatal hour; he must kill himself because he had not
the means of living one day longer.

And life never before seemed to him so sweet a thing as now. He
never felt so keenly the exuberance of his youth and strength. He
suddenly discovered all about him a crowd of pleasures each more
enviable than the others, which he had never tasted. He who
flattered himself that he had squeezed life to press out its
pleasures, had not really lived. He had had all that is to be
bought or sold, nothing of what is given or achieved. He already
not only regretted giving the ten thousand francs to Jenny, but the
two hundred francs to the servants--nay the six sous given to the
waiter at the restaurant, even the money he had spent on the bunch
of violets. The bouquet still hung in his buttonhole, faded and
shrivelled. What good did it do him? While the sous which he had
paid for it--! He did not think of his wasted millions, but could
not drive away the thought of that wasted franc!

True, he might, if he chose, find plenty of money still, and easily.
He had only to return quietly to his house, to discharge the bailiffs,
and to resume the possession of his remaining effects. But he would
thus confront the world, and confess his terrors to have overcome
him at the last moment; he would have to suffer glances more cruel
than the pistol-ball. The world must not be deceived; when a man
announces that he is going to kill himself--he must kill himself.

So Hector was going to die because he had said he would, because
the newspapers had announced the fact. He confessed this to himself
as he went along, and bitterly reproached himself.

He remembered a pretty spot in Viroflay forest, where he had once
fought a duel; he would commit the deed there. He hastened toward
it. The weather was fine and he met many groups of young people
going into the country for a good time. Workmen were drinking and
clinking their glasses under the trees along the river-bank. All
seemed happy and conten