uiously protesting that he was only a barber of very
mean attainments, and that his deformed utensils were quite inadequate
for the case, he very courteously directed me in inquire for a public
chariot bound for a quarter called Colney Hatch (the place of commerce,
it is reasonable to infer, of the higher class barbers), and, seating
myself in it, instruct the attendant to put me down at the large gates,
where they possessed every requisite appliance, and also would, if
desirable, shave my head also. Here the incident assumes a more doubtful
guise, for, notwithstanding the admitted politeness of the one who
spoke, each of those to whom I subsequently addressed myself on the
subject, presented to me a face quite devoid of encouragement. While
none actually pointed out the vehicle I sought, many passed on in a
state of inward contemplation without replying, and some--chiefly the
attendants of other chariots of a similar kind--replied in what I deemed
to be a spirit of elusive metaphor, as he who asserted that such a
conveyance must be sought for at a point known intimately as the Aldgate
Pump, whence it started daily at half-past the thirteenth gong-stroke;
and another, who maintained that I had no prospect of reaching the
desired spot until I secured the services of one of a class of female
attendants who wear flowing blue robes in order to indicate that they
are prepared to encounter and vanquish any emergency in life. To make no
elaborate pretence in the matter this person may definitely admit that
he never did reach the place in question, nor--in spite of a diligent
search in which he has encountered much obloquy--has he yet found any
barber sufficiently well equipped to undertake the detail.

Even more recently I suffered the unmerited rebuke of the superficial
through performing an act of deferential politeness. Learning that the
enlightened and magnanimous sovereign of this country was setting out on
a journey I stationed myself in the forefront of those who stood before
his palace, intending to watch such parts of the procession as might be
fitly witnessed by one of my condition. When these had passed, and the
chariot of the greatest approached, I respectfully turned my back to
the road with a propitiatory gesture, as of one who did not deem himself
worthy even to look upon a being of such majestic rank and acknowledged
excellence. This delicate action, by some incredible process of mental
obliquity, was held by th