et; one
does know, others _may_ know, _will_ know." "I could not bear that; I
would destroy myself and escape the shame." "Destroy yourself indeed!
I defy you; you cannot do it. You may kill yourself; it is not at all
unlikely; but that is not destruction, but only the commission of
another crime."

This inward voice became so real to him that he thought he must be
possessed or else going mad. Suppose it were the latter, and he let the
truth out in his delirium! He determined to live by rule, to study
hard, to be conciliatory, not to draw observation on himself. And to
begin with, he must be getting back to Weston; it would never do to be
late, and risk questioning.

The first time he had an opportunity of speaking to Edwards alone he
said, "I have seen that man as I promised, and there is nothing to fear
from him. I have secured his silence."

"At what a price!" sighed Edwards.

"Look here," murmured Saurin, turning on him fiercely; "if it is as you
think, you take advantage of it, which is just as bad. We are in the
same boat, and must sink or swim together. What is done cannot be
undone; don't be a fool. If your weakness excites suspicion it will be
ruin to both of us."

"I know, I know," said Edwards, turning away with loathing.

They hated the sight of one another now, these two inseparables. What
revolted Edwards most of all was the other's insinuation about Crawley.
It was all of a piece with his conduct when Buller was accused of that
poaching business, and showed his true character. Days went by and they
never spoke to one another of the shameful secret they shared, and
indeed rarely on any other subject. They would have avoided all
association if it had not been for the fear of exciting suspicion. They
were more attentive to their studies, and at the same time took a more
prominent part in the school games than either had done for a long time:

Edwards, because it was his natural bent to do so when freed from other
influences; and Saurin, partly from prudence, partly because he was
making a struggle to escape from the net which he felt that evil habits
had thrown around him. He was like one who has been walking in a fog
along the brink of a precipice, and discovers his position by setting a
foot on the very edge and nearly falling over. He shrank from the abyss
which he now saw yawning for him. At the same time he exerted himself
to become popular, and since he was no longer anxious to