OMER. (_Interrupting_) I don't care what he said! I want
to get shaved!

THE BARBER. Yes, sir! Yes, sir! And--and the young lady who runs
the news stand up-stairs--right next to the elevator, sir--she
was saying that she had never--

THE CUSTOMER. (_Interrupting more violently_) I told you once I
don't care what your friends were saying! I've got to be at that
meeting at three-ten.

THE BARBER. Yes, sir.

THE CUSTOMER. My time is almost up. You'll have to hurry.

THE BARBER. (_Slapping on more lather_) Don't worry, sir. I
always keep my promises. Why, I remember, sir, back in Savannah,
when my poor daughter was alive, I promised--

THE CUSTOMER. (_Interrupting angrily_) I don't give a damn for
your daughter!

THE BARBER. (_Mildly_) No, sir. I didn't think you did.

THE CUSTOMER. And your time is up.

THE BARBER. (_Beginning to shave_) Oh, no, sir! It hasn't begun.

THE CUSTOMER. (_Starting_) What do you mean?

THE BARBER. Don't do that again, sir! You don't know how near you
came to cutting yourself!

THE CUSTOMER. You promised to finish with me in five minutes!

THE BARBER. No, sir, if you will allow me to contradict you, I
did not.

THE CUSTOMER. You said you would shave me in five minutes.

THE BARBER. Yes, sir. _That_ is correct.

THE CUSTOMER. And it's--

THE BARBER. Easy, sir, easy! The razor is sharp! (_Shaving._)
When I promised to shave you in five minutes, I didn't say
anything about lathering. That takes several minutes by itself.

THE CUSTOMER. What?

THE BARBER. Now you've done it! (_He applies styptic to a cut on
THE CUSTOMER's face._) Smarts, doesn't it?

THE CUSTOMER. (_Furious_) You clumsy, awkward, conceited galoot!

THE BARBER. (_With sudden and overwhelming rage_) Don't talk to a
gentleman like that! You cur! (_With a sudden resumption of his
obsequious manner._) I did it on purpose.

THE CUSTOMER. (_Gasping_) Wh-what do you mean?

THE BARBER. (_Respectfully_) You really mustn't accuse me of
being clumsy, sir. I'm _not_ clumsy. If I cut you, it was quite
intentional--like this! (_Cutting him a second time._)

THE CUSTOMER. Damnation! Are you crazy?

THE BARBER. (_Applying the styptic_) No, sir, I'm quite sane.
(_THE CUSTOMER tries to sit up._) Oh, don't do that, sir! Don't
do that! My razor is _frightfully_ sharp!

THE CUSTOMER. (_Panic-stricken_) I want to sit up!

THE BARBER. Don't try it while the razor is at your throat, sir.
It is sure to be fatal.

THE CU