of the merit of
such an avowal."

Several independent ladies at Geneva continued to show me marks of
the greatest kindness, of which I shall always retain a deep
recollection. But even to the clerks in the custom houses, regarded
themselves as in a state of diplomacy with me; and from prefects to
sub-prefects, and from the cousins of one and the other, a profound
terror would have seized them all, if I had not spared them, as much
as was in my power, the anxiety of paying or not paying a visit.
Every courier brought reports of other friends of mine being exiled
from Paris, for having kept up connections with me; it became a
matter of strict duty for me to avoid seeing a single Frenchman of
the least note; and very often I was even apprehensive of injuring
persons in the country where I was living, whose courageous
friendship never failed itself towards me. I felt two opposite
sensations, and both, I believe, equally natural; melancholy at
being forsaken, and cruel anxiety for those who showed attachment to
me. It is difficult to conceive a situation in life more painful at
every moment; for the space of nearly two years that I endured it, I
may say truly that I never once saw the day return without a feeling
of desolation at having to support the existence which that day
renewed. But why should not you leave it then? will be said, and was
said incessantly to me from all quarters. A man whom I ought not to
name*, but who I trust knows how much I esteem the elevation of his
character and conduct, said to me: "If you remain, he will treat you
as Elizabeth did Mary Stuart:--nineteen years of misery, and the
catastrophe at last." Another person, witty but unguarded in his
expressions, wrote to me, that it was dishonorable to remain after
so much ill-treatment. I had no need of these recommendations to
wish, passionately wish, to depart; from the moment that I could no
longer see my friends, that I was only a burden to my children's
existence, was it not time to determine? The prefect, however,
repeated in every possible way, that if I went off, I should be
seized; that at Vienna, as well as at Berlin, I should be reclaimed;
and that I could not make the least preparation for departure
without his being informed of it; for he knew, he said, every thing
that passed in my house. In that respect he was a boaster, and, as
the event has proved, exhibited mere fatuity in matters of
espionnage. But who would not have been terrifie