proof that they are antiquely heathenish. And as we
always associate a man who wears one with Mr. Mantilini, this
proves that they are foolish. _Ergo_, as they are old and foolish,
they are in their dotage.

I have three several times, while wearing this gown, been mistaken
for Madame Fling by people coming to the house. The first time I
was shaving in my chamber: in bounced Miss X----, who believed, as
it was rather late, that I had gone down-town. She threw up her
hands, exclaiming:

'Good gracious, Fanny! do you shave?'

N.B.--Fanny is my wife's first name.

The second time I had brought the woodsaw and horse up from the
cellar, and was exercising myself sawing up my winter's wood, in
the summer-kitchen, according to Doctor Howl's advice, when the
Irishman from the grocery entered, bearing a bundle. My back was
to him, and only seeing the gay and flowery gown, he exclaimed, in
an awfully audible whisper to the cook:

'Shure yer mistriss has the power in her arms, jist!'

Think of my wife, my gentle Fanny, having it shouted around the
neighborhood that her brute of a husband made her saw all their
winter's wood--yes! and split it, and pile it too, and make all
the fires, and so on and cetera, and oh! I _am_ glad my husband
isn't such a monster!'

I turned on the Irishman, and when he saw my whiskers, he quailed!

The third time, I was blacking my boots, according to Dr. Howl's
advice, 'expands the deltoid muscles, is of benefit to the
metacarpis, stretches the larynx, opens the oilsophagers, and
facilitates expectoration!' I had chosen what Fanny calls her
conservatory for my field of operation--the conservatory has two
dried fish-geraniums, and a dead dog-rose, in it, besides a
bad-smelling cat-nip bush; when, who should come running in but
the identical Miss X---- who caught me shaving.

'Poor Fanny,' said she, before I could turn round; 'do you have to
black the boots of that odious brute?'

'Miss X----,' said I, turning toward her, folding my arms over my
dressing-gown, spite of having a damp, unpolished boot on one arm
and a wet blacking-brush in the other hand, for I wished to strike
a position and awe at the same time; 'Miss X----, I am that odious
brute himself!'

If you had observed her wilt, droop, stutter, fly!

My wife went to the se