n I am. If it was mine I'd
take an axe an' bring things down to my level. I'm kind o' scairt
for fear I'll sp'ile suthin' er other. Sometimes I feel as if I'd
like to crawl under the grand pyano an' git out o' danger. Now
look at old gran'pa Smead in his gold frame on the wall. He's got
me buffaloed. Watches every move I make. Betsey laughs an' tells
me I can sp'ile anything I want to, but gran'pa is ever remindin'
me o' the ancient law o' the Smeads an' the Persians."

"Mr. Potter, I owe so much to you," I said. "I want to make you a
present--something that you and your wife will value. I've thought
about it for weeks. Can you--"

He interrupted me with a smile and these gently spoken words:

"Friends who wish to express their good-will in gifts are requested
to consider the large an' elegant stock o' goods in the local
ninety-nine-cent store. Everything from socks to sunbursts may be
found there. Necklaces an' tiaras are not prohibited if guaranteed
to be real ninety-nine-centers. These days nobody has cheap
things. That makes them rare an' desirable. All diamonds should
weigh at least half a pound. Smaller stones are too common.
Everybody has them, you know. Why, the wife of the butcher's clerk
is payin' fifty cents a week on a solitaire. Gold, silver, an'
automobiles will be politely but firmly refused--too common, far
too common! Nothin' is desired likely to increase envy or bank
loans or other forms of contemporaneous crime in Pointview. We
would especially avoid increasin' the risk an' toil of overworked
an' industrious burglars. They have enough to do as it is--poor
fellows--they hardly get a night's rest. Miss Betsey's home has
already given 'em a lot o' trouble."

His humor had relieved its pressure in the deep, good-natured
chuckle of the Yankee, as he strode up an' down the floor with both
hands in his trousers pockets.

"Look at that ol' duffer," he went on, as he pointed at the stern
features of grandpa Smead. "Wouldn't ye think he'd smile now an'
then. Maybe he'll cheer up after I've lived here awhile."

He moved a couple of chairs to give him more room, an' went on:

"Now, there's Bill Warburton. I supposed he was a friend o' mine,
but we had a fight in school, years ago, an' I guess he's never got
over it. Anyhow, I caught him tryin' to slip an automobile on
me--just caught him in time. There he was tryin' to rob me o' the
use o' my legs an' about fifteen hundred a ye