. By the way, the play ENDS with a
drop: but that is neither here nor there.

*****

(Here, as in a theatre, the orchestra is supposed to play something
melodious. The people get up, shake themselves, yawn, and settle down
in their seats again. "Porter, ale, ginger-beer, cider," comes round,
squeezing through the legs of the gentlemen in the pit. Nobody takes
anything, as usual; and lo! the curtain rises again. "Sh, 'shsh,
'shshshhh! Hats off!" says everybody.)

*****

Mrs. Hayes had now been for six years the adored wife of Mr. Hayes, and
no offspring had arisen to bless their loves and perpetuate their name.
She had obtained a complete mastery over her lord and master; and
having had, as far as was in that gentleman's power, every single wish
gratified that she could demand, in the way of dress, treats to Coventry
and Birmingham, drink, and what not--for, though a hard man, John Hayes
had learned to spend his money pretty freely on himself and her--having
had all her wishes gratified, it was natural that she should begin to
find out some more; and the next whim she hit upon was to be restored
to her child. It may be as well to state that she had never informed her
husband of the existence of that phenomenon, although he was aware
of his wife's former connection with the Count,--Mrs. Hayes, in their
matrimonial quarrels, invariably taunting him with accounts of her
former splendour and happiness, and with his own meanness of taste in
condescending to take up with his Excellency's leavings.

She determined, then (but as yet had not confided her determination
to her husband), she would have her boy; although in her seven years'
residence within twenty miles of him she had never once thought of
seeing him: and the kind reader knows that when his excellent lady
determines on a thing--a shawl, or an opera-box, or a new carriage, or
twenty-four singing-lessons from Tamburini, or a night at the "Eagle
Tavern," City Road, or a ride in a 'bus to Richmond and tea and
brandy-and-water at "Rose Cottage Hotel"--the reader, high or low, knows
that when Mrs. Reader desires a thing have it she will; you may just as
well talk of avoiding her as of avoiding gout, bills, or grey hairs--and
that, you know, is impossible. I, for my part, have had all three--ay,
and a wife too.

I say that when a woman is resolved on a thing, happen it will; if
husbands refuse, Fate will interfere (flectere si