.? (He leans his head on his hand in
meditation.)

AUNT CLARA. It was Christmas Eve, ten years ago, Paul.

PAUL. Christmas Eve ten years ago! You may be right. I remember it was
a short time before I had ... the crash with father. I had come home at
Christmas just because I imagined that that was the best time to come
to an understanding with father about all of those matters, my future
and other affairs, and I also recall that I wanted to allow the
holidays to pass before I dared to come out with my projects, the
founding of my journal and my marriage and all the beautiful surprises!
Oh it was postponed as long as possible. One did have an inkling of
what it would lead to. Of course no one had an idea how it would
_really_ turn out!

AUNT CLARA. No, Paul, no one had an idea that that would be the last
Christmas Eve that we should celebrate together. Your father least of
all. All of us were as merry as ever. There stood the tree and the
chandelier was lighted ...

PAUL. Correct, correct! And Antoinette ... wasn't Antoinette present
too? Why of course? That's what complicated the matter so terribly for
me. There she sits, my father has invited her, I know that he intends
her for me, I am to marry her, I'm to become engaged to her right under
the Christmas-tree, as nearly as I can tell. The word is expected from
me. All of you are waiting, and I ... why I simply can't. I simply
_cannot_, because I have forged quite different plans for my future,
because I too have obligations, in short, simply because it is
impossible. (He gets up in excitement.) Because it _was_ impossible,
Aunt Clara! Because I imagined I could not stand it in the country, was
destined for something better than a sturdy estate owner and family
father, simply because Hella was putting such bees in my bonnet and
because, in my stupidity, I believed it all! Just as if the world had
been waiting for me to come and set it right! Ridiculous! But at that
time I was convinced of it. At that time I had to make a clean breast
of it or it would have cost me my life. But, oh, how I _did_ suffer in
those days!

AUNT CLARA. If you had only told me about it, Paul! But I didn't know a
thing about it. Not until it was too late ...

PAUL (breathing deeply). Yes, then it came quickly. I could not conceal
it any longer. It simply burst forth. It can have been only a few days
later ...

AUNT CLARA. Three days, my boy ...

PAUL. Three days, yes, very likely. To me