nd feathered him, and rid him on a rail!
Thus perished that truly great and good man, who lived and died for
mankind. One more remark, Mr. President, and then I am done; and I lay
it down as a particular pint in my argument. If it had not have been
for Mr. Kerlumbus, Mr. Washington would never have been born; besides
all this, Mr. Washington was a coward. With these remarks, I leave the
floor to abler hands.

[Here Mr. SLABSIDES arose, much excited at hearing Mr.
Washington called a coward, and said:]

Mr. President: I, sir, for one, am sureptaciously surprised at the
quiet manner in which you have listened to the base suspersions cast
upon that glorious and good man. Mr. Washington a coward! Why, sir,
lockjawed be the mouth that spoke it. Mr. Washington a coward! Mr.
President, my blood's a-bilin' at the idea. Why, sir, look at him at
the battle of Tippecanoe! Look at him at the battle of Sarah Gordon!
Look at him at the battle of New Orleans! Did he display cowardice
thar, sir, or at any of the similar battles that he fout? I ask you,
sir, did he display cowardice at the battle of New Orleans?

[Mr. GARROTTE arose, and responded to the question. Said he:]

The gentleman will allow me to correct him, one moment. Mr.
Washington, sir, never fit the battle of New Orleans. He couldn't have
fout that battle, for he'd been dead more'n _two weeks_ afore that ar
battle was ever fout. He never fit the battle of New Orleans.

Mr. Slabsides.--Will the gentleman--will Mr. Garrotte please state who
it was that fit the battle of New Orleans? The gentleman has seen fit
to interrupt me; will he please to state who it was fit the battle of
New Orleans?

Hon. Felix Garrotte.--If the gentleman will have patience to turn to
Josephus, or read Benjamin Franklin's History of the Black-Hawk War,
you will thar learn, sir, that it was General Douglas that fit the
battle of New Orleans.

Mr. Slabsides.--I thank my very learned opponent, not only for his
instructions, but more especially for his corrections, in which he has
shown himself totally ignorant of history, men, and things. I contend,
Mr. President, notwithstanding the gentleman's assertion to the
contrary, that Mr. Washington not only fit the battle of New Orleans,
but that he is _alive now_, sir! I have only to pint you, Mr.
President, and gentlemen of this lyceum, to his quiet and retired home
at _Sandoval_, on the banks of the Tombigbee River, whar he now
resi