attachment, I could not for a moment
doubt) to be laid bare to form a subject for Freddy Coleman to sharpen
his wit upon; and to reflect that I had in any way assisted in bringing
this result about, had thrown thorn constantly together--oh! as I
thought upon it, the inconceivable folly of which I had been guilty
nearly maddened me. Somehow, I had never until this moment actually
realised the idea of my sister's marrying him; even that night, when
I had spoken to my mother on the subject, my motive had been more to
prevent her from lecturing and worrying Fanny than anything else. But
the real cause of my indifference was, that during the whole progress of
the affair my thoughts and feelings had been so completely engrossed
by, and centred in, my own position in regard to Clara Saville, that
although present in body, my mind was in great measure absent. I had
never given my attention to it; but had gone on in a dreamy kind of way,
letting affairs take their own course, and saying and doing whatever
appeared most consonant to the wishes of other people at the moment,
until the discovery of Oaklands' unhappy attachment had fully aroused
me, when, as it appeared, too late to remedy the misery which my
carelessness and inattention had in a great measure contributed to bring
about.

The only hope which now remained (and when I remembered the evident
pleasure she took in his society, it appeared a very forlorn one) was
that Fanny might, of her own accord, refuse Lawless. ~369~~ By this time
the precious document produced by the joint exertions of Lawless and
Coleman must have reached its destination; and it was with an anxiety
little inferior to that of the principals themselves that I looked
forward to the result, and awaited with impatience the verdict which was
to decide whether joy should brighten, or sorrow shade, the future years
of Harry Oaklands.

CHAPTER XLVI -- TEARS AND SMILES

"Our doubts are traitors;
And make us lose the good we oft might win,
By fearing to attempt."
--_Measure for Measure_.

"'Well, every one can master grief but he that has it.'
'Yet say I he's in love.'
'The greatest note of it is his melancholy.'
'Nay, but I know who loves him.'"
--_Much Ado About Nothing_.

"Joy, gentle friends! joy, and fresh days of love,
Accompany your hearts."
--_Midsummer Night's Dream_.

READING