smallest possible spice of reality--a thing,
by the way, one may often observe in people who have a very strong
appreciation of the ridiculous, and who, however fond they may be of
doing absurd things for the sake of being laughed at, do not approve of
their buffooneries being taken for granted--"I'll tell you what it is,
sir--you have ~78~~formed a most mistaken estimate of my character; I
beg to say that any affair I undertake is certain to be conducted in
a very sedate and business-like manner. My prudence I consider
unimpeachable; and as to steadiness, I flatter myself I go considerably
ahead of the Archbishop of Canterbury in that article. If I hear you
repeat such offensive remarks, I shall be under the painful necessity of
elongating your already sufficiently prolonged proboscis."

"Come and try," said Oaklands, folding his arms with an air of defiance.
Coleman, reckoning on his adversary's dislike of exertion, and
trusting to his own extreme quickness and activity to effect his escape
scot-free, made a feint of turning away as if to avoid the contest, and
then, with a sudden spring, leaped upon Oaklands, and succeeded in just
touching his nose. The latter was, however, upon his guard, and while,
by seizing his outstretched arm with one hand, he prevented him from
attaining his object, he caught him by the coat-collar with the other,
and detained him prisoner.

"I've got you this time, at all events, Master Freddy; now what shall I
do with you, to pay you off for all your impertinence?" said Oaklands,
looking round the room in search of something suitable to his purpose.
"I have it," continued he, as his eyes encountered the bookcase, which
was a large square-topped, old-fashioned affair, standing about eight
feet high, and the upper part forming a sort of glass-fronted closet,
in which the books were arranged on shelves. "Great men like you, who
go ahead of archbishops and so on, should be seated in high places."
So saying he lifted Coleman in his arms, with as much ease as if he had
been a kitten; and, stepping up on a chair which stood near, seated him
on the top of the bookcase, with his head touching the ceiling, and his
feet dangling about six feet from the ground.

"What a horrid shame!" said Coleman; "come help me down again, Harry,
there's a good fellow."

"I help you down!" rejoined Oaklands, "I've had trouble enough in
putting you up, I think; I'm a great deal too much tired to help you
down again.