* * * * *

"A small fire at a variety theatre burnt some dresses all up, but the
revue went on as usual."--_Berrow's Worcester Journal._

No need to worry over little things like that.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Long-suffering Sergeant._ "WE GOT ANOTHER ARF-HOUR TO GO
YET. _I_ DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YER."

_Rookie_ (_suggestively_). "THERE'S SOME TREES OVER THERE, SERGEANT."

_Sergeant._ "YES, I KNOW. BUT THERE AIN'T ANY ROPES."]

* * * * *

TO FIELD-MARSHAL SIR DOUGLAS HAIG.

JUNE 19TH, 1917.

Sir, though in dealing with the strong and straight
Of sentiment one cannot be too thrifty,
Still, after reading your despatch--the date
Chimes with your birthday, _aetat_ six-and-fifty--
A humble rhymer, though denied by fate
Possession of the high poetic "giftie,"
May yet express the hope it won't displease you
To see yourself as one plain person sees you.

Some call you cold, because you are not prone
To bursts of eloquence or flights of feeling;
You do not emulate the fretful tone
Of those who turn from boastfulness to squealing;
Your temperament, I am obliged to own,
Is not expansive, Celtic, self-revealing;
But some of us admire you none the less
For your laconic simple truthfulness.

No doubt you would provide far better "copy"
To the industrious drivers of the quill
If you were more emotional and sloppy,
More richly dowered with journalistic skill;
To make despatches blossom like the poppy
You never have essayed and never will;
In short, you couldn't earn a pound a week
As a reporter on _The Daily Shriek_.

Frugal in speech, yet more than once impelled
To utter words of confidence and cheer,
Whereat some dismal publicists rebelled
As premature, ill-founded, insincere--
Words none the less triumphantly upheld
By Victory's verdict, resonantly clear,
Words that inspired misgiving in the foe
Because you do not prophesy--you _know_;

Steadfast and calm, unmoved by blame or praise,
By local checks or Fortune's strange caprices,
You dedicate laborious nights and days
To shattering the Hun machine to pieces;
And howsoe'er at times the battle sways
The Army's trust in your command increases;
Patient in preparation, swift in deed,
We find in you the leader that we need.

* *