about"), and
_slare_, and_slawmy_, and _sneck_, and _snoozle_, and _spank_, and
_stodge_, and _stunt_, and _swish_.

The word which I would illustrate is _skimpy_. It signifies something
mean and defective; and in the following history, told to me by a
clerical friend, it refers to an attenuated and bony female. When a
curate in a remote country parish, he took a raw village lad into his
service, to train him for some better place; and, when his education was
sufficiently advanced, and he had made some progress in the art of
writing, he was permitted to accompany his master to a large
dinner-party given by a neighbouring squire. Next morning he
communicated his experiences to the housekeeper, and she treacherously
repeated them to my friend. "'Oh,' he said, 'it just wor' grand. Me and
t'other gentlemen in livery we stood i' th' 'all, and they flung open
folding-doors, and out comes the quality tu and tu, harm i' harm, all
a-talking and a-grinning, and as smart as ninepence. I wor' quite
surprised at mestur. He come out last of all, with a _skimpy_old woman.
I should say she wor' sisty off, and there were squire's daughter,
looking as bewtifle as bewtifle, and dressed up as gay as waxwork. I
never made no mistake, except giving one gentleman mustard wrong side,
and just a drop or so o' gravy down a hunbeknown young lady's back.'" I
have reached the length of my tether, and will go no longer a-_tweing_
after words, lest I put my readers in a _tiff_, and leave them in a
_tantrum_. I will _yark_ off. Said an underkeeper who had just shot at a
snipe: "It _yarked_ up and screeted, and I nipped round and blazed; but
I catched my toe on a bit of a tussock, and so, consarn it, I missed."
Let me hope that I have not so completely failed in my aim, while firing
my small shot against certain abuses and disuses connected with The
Vulgar Tongue.

THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD WITH HIS SON
[Sidenote: _Calverley_]

O what harper could worthily harp it,
Mine Edward! this wide-stretching wold
(Look out _wold_) with its wonderful carpet
Of emerald, purple, and gold?
Look well at it--also look sharp, it
Is getting so cold.

The purple is heather _(erica)_;
The yellow, gorse--call'd sometimes "whin."
Cruel boys on its pickles might spike a
Green beetle as if on a pin,
You may roll in it, if you would like a
Few holes in your skin.

You wouldn't? Then think of how kind you
Should be to the in