party; threats, denunciations, entreaties, were of no use, I wouldn't go
back; and let the house storm and rage, I had helped myself to a slice
of the joint, and cared for nobody. It was in vain they told me, that
the revenue officer and his family were outrageous with passion; and
as to the apothecary in the stage box, he had paid for six tickets in
'senna mixture;' but heaven knows, I wasn't a case for such a regimen.

"All persuasions failing, Mr. M'Elwain, armed all in proof, rushed at
me with a tin scimitar, while Madame, more violent still, capsized the
helmet and its scalding contents over my person, and nearly flayed me
alive. With frantic energy I seized the joint, and, fighting my way
through the whole company, rushed from the spot.

[Illustration: 078]

'Romans,' 'countrymen,' and 'lovers,' 'Dukes,' 'duennas,' 'demigods,'
and 'dancers,' with a loud yell, joined in the pursuit. Across the stage
we went, amid an uproar, that would have done credit to Pandemonium.
I was 'nimblest of foot,' however, and having forced my way through
an 'impracticable' door, I jumped clean through the wood, and having
tripped up an 'angel' that was close on my heels, I seized a candle,
'thirty-six to the pound,' and applying it to the edge of the kitchen
aforementioned, bounded madly on, leaving the whole concern wrapped in
flames. Down the street I went, as if bloodhounds were behind me, and
never stopped my wild career until I reached a little eminence at the
end of the town; then I drew my breath, and turned one last look
upon the 'Theatre Royal.' It was a glorious spectacle to a revengeful
spirit--amid the volumes of flame and smoke that rose to heaven, (for
the entire building was now enveloped,) might be seen the discordant
mass of actors and audience, mixed up madly together--Turks, tailors,
tumblers, and tidewaiters, grandees and grocers, imps and innkeepers;
there they were all screaming, in concert, while the light material
of the 'property-room' was ascending in myriads of sparks. Castles and
forests, baronial halls and robbers' caves, were mounting to mid-heaven,
amid the flash of blue lights, and the report of stage combustibles.

"You may be sure, that however gratifying to my feelings this last scene
of the drama was, I did not permit myself much leisure to contemplate
its a very palpable conviction staring me full in the face, that such
a spectacle might not exactly redound to my 'benefit,' I, therefore,
address