the remorse
and shame which overwhelmed me. Yet, in the midst of all this
suffering and this shame, there was a joy which, like a meteor
in a stormy sky, illuminated at moments the darkness with
which it struggled; and, to drown the voice of conscience, I
repeated to myself, that in spite of the deceit I had
practised under the influence of what I deemed an irresistible
fatality, there was truth, there was reality, in the ardent
affection which I bore to him whose hand I held, and against
whose breast my burning forehead was laid, as if I sought
there a refuge from the world, from myself, and from my own
upbraiding memory.

After a pause, but in a voice of perfect confidence and
tenderness, Edward said to me, "Why would you not marry me
three months ago, dearest? Did you think that my love was not
great enough, or was yours not yet--?"

"Oh, no," I interrupted; "such love as mine is not the growth
of a few days; but ask me not to explain the waywardness, the
strange inconsistency of a character, which you, wise and good
as you are, can never perfectly understand."

There passed a slight cloud over Edward's countenance at that
moment, but it was only for an instant; and in the gentlest
manner he said, "Perhaps I may never quite understand you,
Ellen, but I can always trust you. You have always been unlike
everybody else, particularly unlike me, with my matter-of-fact
stubbornness, and that is probably why you bewitched me
against my will; and in spite of all my resolutions," (he
added, with a smile,) "I suppose I never have quite understood
you; but to admire blindly and ardently what we least
understand, is one of the peculiarities of human nature; so
you must e'en admit this excuse."

Again he kissed my hand with the fondest affection; and then
at my earnest request he suffered me to leave him. Before I
went, I told him that while we were staying at the Moores' I
was anxious that our engagement should not be openly
acknowledged, as in so small a party, and with people whom I
knew so little intimately, it was pleasanter to me not to have
to talk over the subject. He submitted to my wish, and I left
him to go to my own room, and devise there some means of
escaping from the difficulties in which I had entangled myself
more fatally than ever.

It was not till in the silence of the night I sat alone and
undisturbed, that I realised to myself the occurrences of the
day, or saw in its full force the importance of