FREE BOOKS

Author's List




PREV.   NEXT  
|<   176   177   178   179   180   181   182   183   184   185   186   187   188   189   190   191   192   193   194   195   196   197   198   199   200  
201   202   203   204   205   206   207   208   209   210   211   212   213   214   215   216   217   218   219   220   221   222   223   224   225   >>   >|  
ed the baby. But his heart waited in its darkness. His hour would come. In the long run, he learned to submit to Anna. She forced him to the spirit of her laws, whilst leaving him the letter of his own. She combated in him his devils. She suffered very much from his inexplicable and incalculable dark rages, when a blackness filled him, and a black wind seemed to sweep out of existence everything that had to do with him. She could feel herself, everything, being annihilated by him. At first she fought him. At night, in this state, he would kneel down to say his prayers. She looked at his crouching figure. "Why are you kneeling there, pretending to pray?" she said, harshly. "Do you think anybody can pray, when they are in the vile temper you are in?" He remained crouching by the beside, motionless. "It's horrible," she continued, "and such a pretence! What do you pretend you are saying? Who do you pretend you are praying to?" He still remained motionless, seething with inchoate rage, when his whole nature seemed to disintegrate. He seemed to live with a strain upon himself, and occasionally came these dark, chaotic rages, the lust for destruction. She then fought with him, and their fights were horrible, murderous. And then the passion between them came just as black and awful. But little by little, as she learned to love him better, she would put herself aside, and when she felt one of his fits upon him, would ignore him, successfully leave him in his world, whilst she remained in her own. He had a black struggle with himself, to come back to her. For at last he learned that he would be in hell until he came back to her. So he struggled to submit to her, and she was afraid of the ugly strain in his eyes. She made love to him, and took him. Then he was grateful to her love, humble. He made himself a woodwork shed, in which to restore things which were destroyed in the church. So he had plenty to do: his wife, his child, the church, the woodwork, and his wage-earning, all occupying him. If only there were not some limit to him, some darkness across his eyes! He had to give in to it at last himself. He must submit to his own inadequacy, aware of some limit to himself, of [something unformed in] his own black, violent temper, and to reckon with it. But as she was more gentle with him, it became quieter. As he sat sometimes very still, with a bright, vacant face, Anna could see the suffering among the
PREV.   NEXT  
|<   176   177   178   179   180   181   182   183   184   185   186   187   188   189   190   191   192   193   194   195   196   197   198   199   200  
201   202   203   204   205   206   207   208   209   210   211   212   213   214   215   216   217   218   219   220   221   222   223   224   225   >>   >|  



Top keywords:

remained

 

submit

 

learned

 
crouching
 

fought

 

church

 

woodwork

 

pretend

 

strain

 

horrible


temper
 

motionless

 

whilst

 
darkness
 

successfully

 

ignore

 

passion

 

quieter

 

struggle

 

suffering


vacant
 

bright

 

reckon

 

destroyed

 

plenty

 
things
 
restore
 

earning

 

struggled

 

unformed


afraid
 

violent

 

occupying

 

gentle

 

inadequacy

 

humble

 
grateful
 

pretence

 

existence

 
filled

inexplicable

 
incalculable
 

blackness

 
annihilated
 

waited

 

combated

 

devils

 

suffered

 

letter

 

leaving