state she sat
down to write to Skrebensky.

Since you left me I have suffered a great deal, and so have
come to myself. I cannot tell you the remorse I feel for my
wicked, perverse behaviour. It was given to me to love you, and
to know your love for me. But instead of thankfully, on my
knees, taking what God had given me, I must have the moon in my
keeping, I must insist on having the moon for my own. Because I
could not have it, everything else must go.

I do not know if you can ever forgive me. I could die with
shame to think of my behaviour with you during our last times,
and I don't know if I could ever bear to look you in the face
again. Truly the best thing would be for me to die, and cover my
fantasies for ever. But I find I am with child, so that cannot
be.

It is your child, and for that reason I must revere it and
submit my body entirely to its welfare, entertaining no thought
of death, which once more is largely conceit. Therefore, because
you once loved me, and because this child is your child, I ask
you to have me back. If you will cable me one word, I will come
to you as soon as I can. I swear to you to be a dutiful wife,
and to serve you in all things. For now I only hate myself and
my own conceited foolishness. I love you--I love the
thought of you--you were natural and decent all through,
whilst I was so false. Once I am with you again, I shall ask no
more than to rest in your shelter all my life----

This letter she wrote, sentence by sentence, as if from her
deepest, sincerest heart. She felt that now, now, she was at the
depths of herself. This was her true self, forever. With this
document she would appear before God at the Judgment Day.

For what had a woman but to submit? What was her flesh but
for childbearing, her strength for her children and her husband,
the giver of life? At last she was a woman.

She posted her letter to his club, to be forwarded to him in
Calcutta. He would receive it soon after his arrival in
India--within three weeks of his arrival there. In a
month's time she would receive word from him. Then she would
go.

She was quite sure of him. She thought only of preparing her
garments and of living quietly, peacefully, till the time when
she should join him again and her history would be concluded for
ever. The peace held like an unnatural calm for a long time. She
was aware, however, of a gathering restiveness, a tumult
impending within her. She tried to run away f