me like fire before you were born--and after; but
we've got to go on living, and things are going to change, and we must
cut our coats according to our cloth--you and me."

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means we're not independent. There's not enough for your education
and my keep. So it's got to be him, or one other, and the other is an
old woman--his aunt. But it's all the same really, and he'll see that it
comes out of his pocket in the end. He's all powerful and we must do
according. Christianity's a very convenient thing for the likes of us.
It teaches that the meek are blessed and the weak the worthy ones. You
must look to your father if you want to succeed in the world."

"Never," he said. "He's got everything else in the world, but he shan't
have me. I don't care much about being alive at best, seeing I must be
different from other people all my life; but I'd rather die twenty
times than owe anything to him. He knew before I was born that he was
going to wreck my life, and he did it, and he wrecked yours, and his
marriage with any other woman but you is a lie and a sham, and Estelle
knows it very well. Now I hate her as much as him, and I hate those who
let her marry him, and I hate the clergyman that will do it; and if I
could ruin them by killing myself on their doorstep, I would. But he
wouldn't care for that. If I was to do that, it would just suit the
devil, because he'd know I'd gone and could never rise up against him
any more."

She made a half-hearted attempt to distract his thoughts. She began to
argue and, as usual, ended in bitterness.

"You mustn't talk nonsense, like that. He means well by you, and you
mustn't cut off your nose to spite your face. You'll find plenty of
people to take his side and you mustn't only listen to his enemies.
There's always wise people to stand up for young men and excuse them,
though not many to stand up for young women."

"Let them stand up for me and excuse me, then," he answered. "Let them
explain me and tell me why I should think different, and why I should
take his filthy money just to set his mind at rest. What has he done for
me that I should ease him and do as he pleases? Is it out of any care
for me he'd lift me up? Not likely. It's all to deceive the people and
make them say he's a good man. And until he puts you right, he's not a
good man, and soon or late I'll have it out with him. God blast me if I
don't. But I'll revenge myself clean on him.