the
opportunity to place it on a chair and sit upon it? This would have a
very comical effect. I have seen it done, and it made me laugh.
Please let him sit upon the band-box for the future. If he sits down
accidentally the effect will be heightened. It will be very funny.
By the way, let all the box-keepers give programmes free of charge to
officers and ladies under forty. I shall soon be at the theatre again
to attend a rehearsal. I will wire ten minutes before I come, so that
you may have proper time to call your company together. Till then, you
incompetent sausage, you can enjoy your Lager and pipe in peace!

_TO A DOCTOR._

I have been reading some of the Medical Journals, and I am not quite
sure whether I think your manner of cutting off a leg is the proper
way. It may be, but, on the other hand, it may not. Before you cut off
another leg communicate with me, and I will fix a date (as early as
I can--probably within six months), when I can see your patient, and
give you my opinion. By the way, do not go your rounds until you hear
from me, as I may want to see you at any time.

_TO A COACH-BUILDER._

You don't know how to make a carriage. The other day I thought of
a capital idea, but, for the moment, cannot remember it. However, I
fancy it had something to do with square wheels. At any rate you had
better not make any more carriages until I call. I will come as soon
as I can--probably before Spring twelvemonths.

_TO A RELATIVE._

Had not time to answer your letter before. I do not in the least agree
with you. I hate people who do not mind their own business. Why not
attend to your own, and leave mine alone? If you do not take care, _I
will arrange to visit you in State!_ So you had better mind what you
are about!

* * * * *

PROGRAMME OF THE CYCLOPAEDIC CIRCUS.

(_UNDER THE IMMEDIATE PATRONAGE OF LORD SALISBURY._)

The Members of the School Board of Little Peddlington have the honour
to announce that, in deference to the expressed opinion of the

PREMIER OF THE UNITED KINGDOM,

that it would be wise to substitute Circuses for school-rooms in the
provinces, have arranged for the holding of

A GRAND SCHOLASTIC GALA,

on a scale of unprecedented magnificence. The Members have engaged, at
considerable expense, that admirable Artist,

THE COURIER OF BOTH THE GLOBES,

who will, during a rapid ride on a retired cab-horse, exhibit and
explain a series of gigantic maps