rge barn on the edge of what seemed a silver
lake but was in reality a long field under the full light of
the moon. As we paused I saw, on the further side of the
field, two shells burst, very quickly, one after the other.

We all stopped under the shelter of the barn.

"Well," said the Feldscher to the soldier, "where's your
man?"

"Only a short way," said the soldier. "Quite close."

"Across that field?" asked the Feldscher, pointing to the
moonlight.

"Yes, certainly," said the soldier.

The Feldscher scratched his head. "We can't go further
without orders," he said. "That's very dangerous in front
there. I'm responsible for these men. We must return and
ask, your Honour," he said, turning to me.

"We shall be nearly an hour returning," I said. "Is your
friend badly wounded?" I asked the soldier.

"Very," said he.

"You see ..." I said to the Feldscher. "We can't possibly
leave him like that. It's only a little way."

The Feldscher shook his head. "I can't be responsible. I had
my orders to go so far and no further. I must see that my
men are safe."

The sanitars who were sitting in a row on their haunches
under the shadow of the barn all nodded their heads.

"I didn't know Russians were cowards," I said fiercely.

The Feldscher shook his head quite unmoved: "Your Honour
must understand that I had my orders." Then he added slowly:
"but of course if your Honour wishes to go yourself ... I
would come with you. The others ... they must do as they
please. They are in their right to return. But I should
advise that we return."

"I'm going on," I said.

I must say here that I felt no other sensation than a blind
and quite obstinate selfishness. I had no thought of Nikitin
or of the sanitars. I did not (and this I must emphasise)
think, for a moment, of the wounded man. If the situation
had been that by returning I should save many lives and by
advancing should save only my own I should still have
advanced. If the only hope for the wounded man was my
instant speech with Nikitin I would not have gone back to
speak with him. I was at this moment neither brave nor
fearful. I repeat that I had no sensation except an
absolutely selfish obstinate challenge that I, myself, was
addressing to So