eye, and to get a chance to speak with me, but I avoided him. He must
have gone away very much puzzled by my conduct, for it had been arranged
between us that he should come. By that time, you see, I had become
heart-sick of the part I was playing.

"But, Paul, you must not think that it was mere sham, father's drawing
you out so much to talk at the table that night, and pretending to be so
much taken up with what you said. He is great for being taken up with new
ideas, and I think his interest was quite genuine. I knew before I left
home that he half believed you to be right about the immortality of past
selves. For my part, I believe it wholly, and that I have abused not only
Miss Ludington and you, but the spirit of her whom I have personated.

"If Miss Ludington had not so loaded me with kindness I could have borne
it, better, but to have that sweet old lady fairly worshipping the ground
one trod on, and covering one with gifts, and dresses, and jewels, would
have been too much, I think, for the conscience of the worst person in
the world.

"I should have fled from the house before I had been here a week but for
you, Paul. I could not bear to leave you. If I had only gone then I
should have saved myself much; for what would it have been to leave you
then to what it is now!

"It was very wrong in me to promise to marry you that night when you came
to me; for I knew then as well as now that I never could. But I loved you
so, I had no strength. Oh, these last happy weeks! I wonder if you have
been so happy as I--so happy or so miserable, I don't know which to say;
for all the time there was a deadly sickness at my heart, and every night
I cried myself to sleep, and woke up crying; and yet I loved you so I
could not but be happy in being where you were. Remember always, Paul,
that if I had not loved you so, I should have let you marry an
adventuress; for that is what I suppose you will call me now--you, who
could not find words tender enough for me. Yes, if I had loved you less,
I would have been your wife, and I would have made you very happy, just
as we made so many poor people happy at our seances--by deceiving them.
But I could not deceive you.

"It is true that I have been meanwhile deceiving you, but it has only
been from day to day. I knew it was not to last, and I lacked strength to
end it sooner. Think how dear your kisses must have been to me, that I
could endure them with the knowledge all the while that