d
fathers, even the wild ones. They begin to tell you what's sensible and
what's foolish, and want you to stick at home all the time. I prefer to
be foolish when I feel like it, and be accountable to nobody.'
'But you'll be lonesome. You'll get tired of this sort of life, and
you'll want a family.'
'Not me. I like to be lonesome. When I went to work for Mrs. Thomas I
was nineteen years old, and I had never slept a night in my life when
there weren't three in the bed. I never had a minute to myself except
when I was off with the cattle.'
Usually, when Lena referred to her life in the country at all, she
dismissed it with a single remark, humorous or mildly cynical. But
tonight her mind seemed to dwell on those early years. She told me she
couldn't remember a time when she was so little that she wasn't lugging
a heavy baby about, helping to wash for babies, trying to keep their
little chapped hands and faces clean. She remembered home as a place
where there were always too many children, a cross man and work piling
up around a sick woman.
'It wasn't mother's fault. She would have made us comfortable if she
could. But that was no life for a girl! After I began to herd and milk,
I could never get the smell of the cattle off me. The few underclothes I
had I kept in a cracker-box. On Saturday nights, after everybody was in
bed, then I could take a bath if I wasn't too tired. I could make two
trips to the windmill to carry water, and heat it in the wash-boiler on
the stove. While the water was heating, I could bring in a washtub out
of the cave, and take my bath in the kitchen. Then I could put on a
clean night-gown and get into bed with two others, who likely hadn't
had a bath unless I'd given it to them. You can't tell me anything about
family life. I've had plenty to last me.'
'But it's not all like that,' I objected.
'Near enough. It's all being under somebody's thumb. What's on your
mind, Jim? Are you afraid I'll want you to marry me some day?'
Then I told her I was going away.
'What makes you want to go away, Jim? Haven't I been nice to you?'
'You've been just awfully good to me, Lena,' I blurted. 'I don't think
about much else. I never shall think about much else while I'm with you.
I'll never settle down and grind if I stay here. You know that.'
I dropped down beside her and sat looking at the floor. I seemed to have
forgotten all my reasonable explanations.
Lena drew close to me, and the little
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