)._ "TELL HIM TO FILL UP A FORM, STATING THE
NATURE OF HIS BUSINESS AND IF BY APPOINTMENT."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Boss (to typist, a war flapper, who is very late)._ "EH,
YE'VE COOM AT LAST. WE WERE JUST TALKIN' ABOOT YE."

_Typist._ "AH, I WONDERED WHAT MADE MY EAR BURN." ]

* * * * *

CLASSICAL AMERICA.

[A correspondent of _The Westminster Gazette_ remarks in a recent
issue, "I am told American students sing their Pindar."]

A WRITER in the evening Press
Lays quite unnecessary stress
Upon the fact that youthful scholars,
Residing in the land of dollars,
Where men are shrewd and level-headed,
Sing songs to PINDAR'S verses wedded.
Yet why this wonder, when you think
How strongly welded is the link
That binds Columbia and its glory
To lands renowned in classic story?
There's hardly any town of note
Mentioned by MOMMSEN or by GROTE
Except Byzantium, perhaps--
Which doesn't figure in our maps.
Of Ithacas we have a score,
And Troys and Uticas galore;
Chicago has a Punic sound,
And pretty often, I'll be bound,
Austere Bostonians heavenward send a
Petition calling her _delenda_;
While Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Betray the classicising mania.
We have a Capitol, also,
As fine as Rome's of long ago;
Pompey and Romulus and Remus
(I'm not so sure of Polyphemus)
Are names with us more often worn
Than in the lands where they were born.
Then, as true classicists to stamp us,
Each College has its separate Campus,
And we have Senators whose mien
Might well have turned old BRENNUS green.
Why even the Bird that proudly soars
In majesty to guard our shores
Before migrating to these regions
Was followed by the Roman legions.
But we have writ enough to show
What everybody ought to know,
That, spite of hustle and skyscrapers,
And Tammany and yellow papers,
The spirit of both Greece and Rome
Has found a second lasting home
Across the wide Atlantic foam.

* * * * *

More War Economy.

"Perambulator, cheap, for cash, as new; cost L9 15s., receipt shown;
owner getting rid of baby."--_Birmingham Daily Mail_.

* * * * *

"Turn to the annals of the period 1914-1917, everlastingly to be
remembered by the Meuse of History."--_Jamaica Paper_.

The Meuse needs no reminder.