aw my duty, and felt that
I was grieving the Spirit by the course I was pursuing. I determined that
I would open my mind to a friend with whom I was spending the evening. I
did so; and the counsel I received was, 'Parley with temptation no
longer; but to-morrow go to Mr. G., and open your mind to him,' 'I cannot
do that,' said I. 'Then write to your leader,' answered my friend. This
was just the advice I wanted; and I determined, by the help of God, to
act upon it.

"Monday evening, at the close of business, I retired to my room; and
after earnest prayer, commenced a letter to my leader. It was nearly
finished: but on reading it over I was not pleased with its composition,
and tearing it in pieces, commenced another. The agony of my mind was now
at its height: my head seemed ready to burst; my brain was bewildered,
and I was in a state bordering on distraction! While I write I seem
almost to pass through this agony again. I finished a second letter! What
I said in it I no more know than a child: I feared to read it over, lest
I should be displeased with and destroy it, as I did the former. I at
once sealed it up, and thrust it out of sight. I then threw myself on the
bed, where I lay for a considerable time, till the exquisite excitement
of the struggle being over, I retired to rest, thankful to God for the
victory I had gained. In the morning my first work was to send the letter
to my leader: after which I had another struggle with the powers of
darkness. 'You cannot retract now,' whispered the enemy. 'You have done
it; and now where are your sermons to come from? You know you have only
two in the world: suppose you should make a failure in your first
attempt, what a fool you would look like! how you would get laughed at!'
But the step was taken, and I rejoiced to feel that I had done my duty: a
load which had long been too heavy for me was removed, and I felt
altogether a new man.

"I fear I have been tiresome; but I will now soon conclude. I was
proposed at the local preachers' meeting, accepted, preached several
times before the brethren, with some degree of acceptance; and after
remaining about four months in Y----, from the period referred to, my
health being re-established, I again removed to the metropolis, where my
name was regularly inserted on the plan. Having passed my examination in
the usual way, I was received into full connection as a local preacher. I
need not tell you that I am now fully occupied in t