us; the cruelties I subjected her to in return for her love and her
resignation. All this was written down without a complaint; on the
contrary she undertook to justify me. Then followed personal details,
the disposition of her effects. She would end her life by poison, she
wrote. She would die by her own hand and expressly forbade that her
death should be charged to me. "Pray for him!" were her last words.
I found in the closet on the same shelf a little box that I remembered I
had seen before, filled with a fine bluish powder resembling salt.
"What is this?" I asked of Brigitte, raising the box to my lips. She
gave vent to a scream of terror and threw herself upon me.
"Brigitte," I said, "bid me farewell. I shall carry this box away with
me; you will forget me, and you will live if you wish to save me from
becoming a murderer. I shall set out this very night; you will agree
with me that God demands it. Give me a last kiss."
I bent over her and kissed her forehead.
"Not yet!" she cried, in anguish. But I repulsed her and left the room.
Three hours later I was ready to set out, and the horses were at the
door. It was still raining when I entered the carriage. At the moment
the carriage was starting, I felt two arms about my body and a sob which
spent itself on my lips.
It was Brigitte. I did all I could to persuade her to remain; I ordered
the driver to stop; I even told her that I would return to her when time
should have effaced the memory of the wrongs I had done her. I forced
myself to prove to her that yesterday was the same as to-day, to-day
as yesterday; I repeated that I could only render her unhappy, that to
attach herself to me was but to make an assassin of me. I resorted to
prayers, to vows, to threats even; her only reply was: "You are going
away; take me, let us take leave of the country, let us take leave
of the past. We can not live here; let us go elsewhere, wherever you
please; let us go and die together in some remote corner of the world.
We must be happy, I by you, you by me."
I kissed her with such passion that I feared my heart would burst.
"Drive on!" I cried to the coachman. We threw ourselves into each
other's arms, and the horses set out at a gallop.
BOOK 3.
PART V
CHAPTER I. SWEET ANTICIPATIONS
Having decided on a long tour, we went first to Paris; the necessary
preparations required time, and we took a furnished apartment for one
month. The decis
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