en for
disposing of them being a lottery. Sara had read the announcement, and I
asked her with her mother and sister to come with me and take part in it.
I had not much trouble in obtaining their consent, and we found ourselves
in distinguished company, among the persons present being the Countess of
Harrington, Lady Stanhope, and Emilie and her daughters. Emilie had a
strange case before the courts. She had given information to the police
that her husband had been robbed of six thousand pounds, though everyone
said that she herself was the thief.

Madame M---- F---- did not take a ticket, but she allowed me to take
tickets for her daughters, who were in high glee, since for ten or twelve
guineas they got articles worth sixty.

Every day I was more taken with Sara; but feeling sure that I should only
obtain slight favours from her, I thought it was time to come to an
explanation. So after supper I said that as it was not certain that Sara
could become my wife I had determined not to accompany them to Berne. The
father told me I was very wise, and that I could still correspond with
his daughter, Sara said nothing, but I could see she was much grieved.

I passed a dreadful night; such an experience was altogether new to me. I
weighed Sara's reasons, and they seemed to me to be merely frivolous,
which drove me to conclude that my caresses had displeased her.

For the last three days I found myself more than once alone with her; but
I was studiously moderate, and she caressed me in a manner that would
have made my bliss if I had not already obtained the one great favour. It
was at this time I learnt the truth of the maxim that if abstinence is
sometimes the spur of love, it has also the contrary effect. Sara had
brought my feeling to a pitch of gentle friendship, while an infamous
prostitute like the Charpillon, who knew how to renew hope and yet grant
nothing, ended by inspiring me with contempt, and finally with hatred.

The family sailed for Ostend, and I accompanied them to the mouth of the
Thames. I gave Sara a letter for Madame de W----. This was the name of
the learned Hedvig whom she did not know. They afterwards became
sisters-in-law, as Sara married a brother of M. de W----, and was happy
with him.

Even now I am glad to hear tidings of my old friends and their doings,
but the interest I take in such matters is not to be compared to my
interest in some obscure story of ancient history. For our
contemporaries