eat him
as what he actually is, and we are as impolite as he. The woman who has
been educated into true politeness answers him, if she answer him at
all, as if he were what he actually is not, a better judge of her needs
than she herself is. And so with all cases of politeness.

It is manifest that no manual of manners or etiquette of polite society
can be of the slightest avail, and all such would seem beneath notice
here, were it not evident from the number of such books published, and
the number sold, that there is a large demand for them.

Nothing to an observer can be a more comic sight than the result
produced on manners by their faithful study. It is sufficient for us to
try to imagine the man who of all our acquaintance is the most truly and
exquisitely polite, endeavoring to follow out the cast-iron rules
contained in these books, for us to appreciate the difference between
the politeness which springs from within and that which is only a shabby
veneering. Of American mothers and American teachers what proportion
are, by having attained a mastership in this art of politeness, fully
able to educate our girls into it? Are we not a sadly uneducated people?

But there is still something else to be done. In the unrestrained and
affectionate intercourse of the family, the girl has not felt the
necessity of concealing in any degree her real self. She is under an
observation that is intelligent and sympathetic, and she is sure of the
kindest construction of all her actions. If she talks or laughs loudly,
for instance, it is not supposed that this springs from a desire to
attract attention, but from the natural, innocent overflowing of
healthful spirits, and a forgetfulness of self. But her social education
cannot be called finished till she has in some measure been taught to
distrust others. She must learn that society is not one vast family,
abounding in sympathy, and always ready to put the kindest construction
on her words and actions. She must learn this sooner or later. Shall she
learn it by mortifying experiences, by finding herself often in absurd
and annoying positions, by having her confidence betrayed, and the
outspoken utterances resulting from her very purity of thought made the
occasion of coarse remarks and suspicions; or shall she be guarded
against all these by being taught that she must not give all the world
credit for being as pure and innocent as she? We must so educate her
that she will not light