were to a man all killed, imprisoned,
or transported, Mr Simon Tappertit, being removed from a hospital
to prison, and thence to his place of trial, was discharged by
proclamation, on two wooden legs. Shorn of his graceful limbs, and
brought down from his high estate to circumstances of utter destitution,
and the deepest misery, he made shift to stump back to his old master,
and beg for some relief. By the locksmith's advice and aid, he was
established in business as a shoeblack, and opened shop under an archway
near the Horse Guards. This being a central quarter, he quickly made a
very large connection; and on levee days, was sometimes known to have
as many as twenty half-pay officers waiting their turn for polishing.
Indeed his trade increased to that extent, that in course of time he
entertained no less than two apprentices, besides taking for his wife
the widow of an eminent bone and rag collector, formerly of Millbank.
With this lady (who assisted in the business) he lived in great domestic
happiness, only chequered by those little storms which serve to clear
the atmosphere of wedlock, and brighten its horizon. In some of these
gusts of bad weather, Mr Tappertit would, in the assertion of his
prerogative, so far forget himself, as to correct his lady with a brush,
or boot, or shoe; while she (but only in extreme cases) would retaliate
by taking off his legs, and leaving him exposed to the derision of those
urchins who delight in mischief.

Miss Miggs, baffled in all her schemes, matrimonial and otherwise, and
cast upon a thankless, undeserving world, turned very sharp and sour;
and did at length become so acid, and did so pinch and slap and tweak
the hair and noses of the youth of Golden Lion Court, that she was by
one consent expelled that sanctuary, and desired to bless some other
spot of earth, in preference. It chanced at that moment, that the
justices of the peace for Middlesex proclaimed by public placard that
they stood in need of a female turnkey for the County Bridewell, and
appointed a day and hour for the inspection of candidates. Miss Miggs
attending at the time appointed, was instantly chosen and selected from
one hundred and twenty-four competitors, and at once promoted to
the office; which she held until her decease, more than thirty years
afterwards, remaining single all that time. It was observed of this lady
that while she was inflexible and grim to all her female flock, she was
particularly so t