s size; my eyes felt as if they would drop out of my
head; while a tingling sensation, like "frying," in my nostrils, almost
drove me mad; so that after three or four seconds of silent agony,
during which I experienced about ten years of torture, unable to endure
more, I screamed out that "I was poisoned," and, with wide-open mouth
and staring eyes, ran down the coffee-room.

Never was seen such an uproar! Had an animal from a wild-beast menagerie
appeared among the company, the consternation could scarce be greater;
and in the mingled laughter and execrations might be traced the
different moods of those who resented my intrusion. "Who is this fellow?
How did he get in? What brought him here? What's the matter with him?"
poured in on all sides,--difficulties the head-waiter thought it better
to deal with by a speedy expulsion than by any lengthened explanation.

"Get a policeman, Bob!" said he to the next in command; and the order
was given loud enough to be heard by me.

"What the devil threw him amongst us?" said a testy-looking man in green
spectacles.

"I came to dine, sir," said I; "to have my steak and my pint of wine, as
I hoped, in comfort, and as one might have it in a respectable tavern."

A jolly burst of laughter stopped me, and I was obliged to wait for its
subsidence to continue.

"Well, sir! I paid for my dinner--"

"Is that true, Sam?" said a shrewd-looking man to the waiter.

"Quite true, sir! he paid four-and-sixpence, saying that the dinner was
for a College gentleman."

"I have been in College," said I, coolly; "but no matter, the thing
is simple enough: I am here in a house of public entertainment, the
proprietors of which have accepted my money for a specific purpose;
and putting aside the question whether they can refuse admission to any
well-conducted individual (see Barnes _versus_ MacTivell, in the 8th
volume Term Reports; and Hobbes against Blinkerton, Soaker, and others,
in the Appendix), I contend that my presence here is founded upon
contract."

Another and still louder roar of mirth again stopped me, and before I
could resume, the company had gathered round me, in evident delight at
my legal knowledge; and in particular, he of the spectacles, who was a
well-known attorney of the Court of Conscience.

"That fellow's a gem!" said he. "Hang me if he's not equal to Bleatem!
Sam, take care what you do; he 's the chap to have his action against
you! I say, my man, come and sit down