uite over. I would a great deal rather die than
not. I wish I were older. I don't know what to do. I feel that it cannot
be right to throw away the happiness of one's life, but I don't know how
to hold you, and, above all, I don't want to hurt 'Lena. I thought that
I knew so much; but I know nothing at all--nothing."

"If you do what is right, you will be very glad a year hence."

"A year is such a long time." Her head dropped lower. She looked utterly
dejected. In a moment she put her handkerchief to her face and cried
silently. The undemonstrativeness of the act, so unlike her usual
volcanic energy, touched him out of prudence. He put his arm about her
and pressed her head against his shoulder. In a moment he laid his face
against hers and closed his eyes to crowd back the tears that sprang
from the depths of his soul. When he opened his eyes, it was to meet
those of Magdalena.

XIV

She had left them without a word, and Trennahan did not see her until
the following evening, when she sent for him.

She received him in the room at the end of the hall, where they were
sure not to be interrupted. As he entered he averted his face hastily,
and cursed himself for a scoundrel. But he went straight to the point.

"I have made you suffer," he said, "and as only you can suffer. I have
no excuse to offer except my own weakness. Do you remember that I asked
you once if you thought you could love me did you come to understand all
the weakness of my nature, and that you replied you could? Will you
forgive me this display of it? I have no desire--no intention of
marrying any other woman."

"I have not doubted your honour. But I shall not marry you. I do not
want you without your love. I see now that I never had it."

"You did, and you have it still. It is impossible for a man to explain
himself to a woman. Will you let me decide for both? I am going away for
a time. When I return I want you to marry me."

She shook her head. "There would be three people miserable instead of
one. If I had not gone there yesterday, perhaps I should never have
known: I simply made up my mind after that night at Monterey that I
would think no more about it. By and by you might have got over it and
we might have been happy in a way--I don't know. It is not your fault
that I found out. And I went to the Library by the merest chance
yesterday. It seems like fate, and I shall recognise it. If Helena did
not love you, it would be different