s, saying that he had known nothing of what went forward
during those two days, until the crying of Jesus' name by Master Richard
before the cardinal, but blaming his own craven heart, as he called it.
And when Master Richard had spoken awhile, he asked the King to go out,
for that he had much to say to me in secret.
So the King went out very softly, and set other guards at the doors,
and we two sat there a long while.
* * * * *
I was astonished at Master Richard's strength and courage, for he had
spoken aloud to the King, but when the King was gone out, he spoke in a
lower voice, holding my hand. It was very dark, for he would have no
lights, and I could see no more of him but a little of his hair, and the
pallour of his face beneath it, until the morn came and the end came.
* * * * *
He told me first of what he had done, and what had been done to him
since a week ago, when we had kissed one another at the lych-gate--all
as I have told it to you. He talked quietly, as I have said, but he
laughed a little now and again, and once or twice his voice trembled
with tears as he related our Lord's loving-kindness to him. (I have
never known any man who loved Jesu Christ more than this man loved Him.)
I asked him a few questions, and he answered them, but the effect of
all that he said was what I have written down here, and sometimes I have
his very words as he spoke them.
At last he came to the end of what he had to say, and began to tell me
of the _Night of the Soul_, and here he talked in a very low voice so
that I could scarcely hear what he said, and of what he said I did not
understand one half, [I am thankful that Sir John recognized his own
limitations.] for it was full of mysteries such as other contemplative
souls alone would recognise--for all contemplatives, as you know, relate
the same things to one another which they have seen and heard, and the
words that each uses the other understands, but other men do not; for
they speak of things that they have seen indeed, but for which there are
no proper human words, so that they have to do the best that they can.
He told me that the state that I have described to you continued until
he came before my lord cardinal, so that although he saw men's faces
and heard their words they were no more to him than shadows and
whisperings; for since (as it appeared to him) he had lost God by his
own fault
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