denying facts, there's no
other possible explanation! As soon as I knew, I went to the doctors
here, and then I went to New York for treatment, but there's no hope. I
didn't know, you see. I didn't believe it possible. Turner Ravis and I
were engaged. I waited too long! There's only one escape for me now."
His voice dropped, he stared for a moment at the floor. Then he
straightened up, and said in a different tone, "But, damn it, Van, let's
not talk about it! I'm haunted with the thing day and night. I want to
talk to you! I want to talk to you seriously. You know you are ruining
yourself, old man!"

But Vandover interrupted him with a gesture, saying, "Don't go on,
Dolly; it isn't the least use. There _was_ a time for that, but that was
long ago. I used to care, I used to be sorry and all that, but I'm not
now. Ruining myself? Why, I _have_ ruined myself long ago. We're both
ruined--only in your case it wasn't your fault. It's too late for me
now, and I'm even not sorry that it _is_ too late. Dolly, I don't _want_
to pull up. You can't imagine a man fallen as low as that, can you? I
couldn't imagine it myself a few years ago. I'm going right straight to
the devil now, and you might as well stand aside and give me a free
course, for I'm bound to get there sooner or later. I suppose you would
think that a man who could see this as plainly as I do would be afraid,
would have remorse and all that sort of thing. Well, I did at first.
I'll never forget the night when I first saw it; came near shooting
myself, but I got over it, and now I'm used to the idea. Dolly, _I can
get used to almost anything_. Nothing makes much difference to me
nowadays--only I like to play cards. Look here!" he went on, laying out
the notice from the bank upon the table, "this came to-day. You see what
it is! I sold the old house on California Street. Well, I've gambled
away that money in less than a year. It seems that I'm a financial ruin
now, but"--and he began to laugh--"I live through it somehow. The news
didn't prevent me from getting drunk to-night."

After young Haight was gone, Vandover went to bed, turning out the gas
and drawing down the window half-way from the top. The wine had made him
sleepy; he was dropping away into a very grateful doze when a sudden
shock, a violent leap of every nerve in his body, brought him up to a
sitting posture, gasping for breath, his heart fluttering, his hands
beating at the empty air. He settled down ag