* * * * *

[Illustration: _Kindly Hostess_ (_to nervous reciter who has broken
down in "The Charge of the Light Brigade"_). "NEVER MIND MR. TOMPKINS,
JUST TELL US IT IN YOUR OWN WORDS."]

* * * * *

to have known--well, well, we shall be wiser another time. Now let's
go home."

Poor old Chum; I _had_ known. From a large coat pocket I produced a
chain.

"_Dash_ it," said Chum, looking up at me pathetically, "you might
almost _want_ to get rid of me."

He was chained, and the label tied on to him. Forgive me that label,
Chum; I think that was the worst offence of all. And why should I
label one who was speaking so eloquently for himself; who said from
the tip of his little black nose to the end of his stumpy black tail,
"I'm a silly old ass, but there's nothing wrong in me, and they're
sending me away!" But according to the regulations--one must obey the
regulations, Chum.

I gave him to the guard--a delightful man. The guard and I chained him
to a brake or something. Then the guard went away, and Chum and I had
a little talk ...

After that the train went off.

Good-bye, little dog. A.A.M.

* * * * *

"Lady Strachie wishes to thoroughly recommend her permanent
Caretaker and Husband."--_Advt. in "Morning Post."_

Lord STRACHIE should be a proud man to-day.

* * * * *

HOW GREAT MEN SHOW EMOTION.

[Mr. HANDEL BOOTH, speaking in Hyde Park recently, declared
that, when he informed Lord ABERDEEN of the conduct of the
police during the Dublin riots, the Lord Lieutenant "buried
his head in his hands."]

Mr. Leo Maxixe, writing in _The Irrational Review_, states that he
has it on the best authority that when the GERMAN EMPEROR read the
Criccieth New Year's interview with Mr. LLOYD GEORGE he exclaimed,
"This beats the Tango," and fell heavily on the hearthrug.

Mr. James Larvin, addressing a meeting of the Confederates at the
Saveloy Hotel, informed his hearers that when Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL
read the article in _The Daily Mail_ on his future he stood on his
head in the corner for three minutes, to the great embarrassment of
Sir FRANCIS HOPWOOD, who was present.

Sir WILLIAM ROBERTSON NICOLL, writing in _The British Weekly_, asserts
that when Mr. MASSINGHAM read "C.K.S.'s" recent reference to _The
Nation_ in _The Sphere_ he kicked the waste-paper basket round th