once more to a man who set other things
above all that I could have done. Deeds, deeds, what you
call your country--your own impulses--these were the things
you placed above me. You placed above me this adventuring
into the wilderness. Yes, I know what are the real impulses
in your man's life. I know what you valued above me.

But you are dead! While you lived, I hoped your conscience
was clean. I hope that never once have you descended to any
conduct not belonging to Meriwether Lewis of Virginia. I
know that no matter what temptation was yours, you would
remember that I was Mrs. Alston--and that you were
Meriwether Lewis of Virginia.

Nay, I _cannot_ stop! How can you mind my garrulous pen--my
vain pen--my wicked, wicked, wicked, shameful pen--since you
cannot see what it says?

Ah, I had so hoped once more to see you before it was too
late! Should this not reach you, and should it reach others,
why, let it go to all the world that Theodosia Burr that
was, Mrs. Alston of Carolina that is, once ardently
importuned a man to join her in certain plans for the
betterment of his fortunes as well as her own; and that you
did not care to share in those plans! So I failed. And
further--let that also go out to the world--I glory in the
truth _that I have failed_!

Yes, that at last is the truth at the bottom of my heart! I
have searched it to the bottom, and I have found the truth.
I glory in the truth that you have _not_ come back to me.
There--have I not said all that a woman could say to a man,
living or dead?

Just as strongly as I have urged you to return, just as
strongly I have hoped that you would not return! In my soul
I wanted to see you go on in your own fashion, following
your own dreams and caring not for mine. That was the
Meriwether Lewis I had pictured to myself. I shall glory in
my own undoing, if it has meant your success.

Holding to your own ambition, keeping your own loyalty,
holding your own counsel and your own speech to the
end--pushing on through everything to what you have set out
to do--that is the man I could have loved! Deeds, deeds,
high accomplishments--these in truth are the things which
are to prevail. The selfish love of success as success--the
love of ease, of money, of power--these