t
began to take possession of her again. It was strangely painful. To one
whom suffering has driven upon self-study the predominance of a mere
mood is always more or less a troublesome mystery; in Adela's case it
was becoming a source of fear. She seemed to be losing self-control; in
looking back on last evening she doubted whether her own will had
been at all operative in the state of calm enjoyment to which she had
attained. Was it physical weakness which put her thus at the mercy of
the moment's influences?

There came a letter from Mutimer to-day; in it he mentioned Alice and
reminded Adela of her promise. This revived a trouble which had fallen
out of activity for a day or two. She could not come to any decision.
When at Alice's house she had not even suggested a return visit; at
the moment it had seemed so out of the question for Alice to meet
Mrs. Westlake. In any case, was it worth while exposing Stella to
the difficulties of such a meeting when it could not possibly lead to
anything further? One reason against it Adela was ashamed to dwell upon,
yet it weighed strongly with her: she was so jealous of her friend's
love, so fearful of losing anything in Stella's estimation, that she
shrank from the danger of becoming associated with Mrs. Rodman in
Stella's mind. Could she speak freely of Alice? Mutimer's affectionate
solicitude was honourable to him, and might veil much that was
disagreeable in Alice. But the intimacy between Adela and Mrs. Westlake
was not yet of the kind which permits a free disclosure of troubles
to which, rightly or wrongly, there attaches a sense of shame. Such
troubles are always the last to be spoken of between friends; friendship
must be indeed far-reaching before it includes them within its scope.
They were still but learning to know each other, and that more from
silent observation, from the sympathy of looks, from touchings of hands
and lips, than by means of direct examination or avowal. The more she
strove with her difficulty the less able Adela felt herself to ask
Mrs. Rodman to come or to mention her to Stella. The trouble spoilt her
enjoyment of a concert that evening, and kept her restless in the night,
for, though seemingly a small matter, it had vital connection with
the core of her life's problem; it forced her relentlessly to a
consciousness of many things from which she had taught herself to avert
her eyes.

Another thing there was which caused her anxious debate--a projec